Being Dumped by a Job

Just over a year ago, I had an experience that I'd never had before and that I didn't see coming. I lost my job. It was a job I had loved for 10 years and being told that my position was being eliminated was an absolute shock. How am I doing now that a year has gone by? That depends on when you ask me.

Although I took the news well initially, I eventually struggled with it in some interesting ways. The closest scenario I could compare it to is that of being dumped by a boyfriend. The sting of rejection. Trying to figure out how to define yourself without that relationship/job. A sense of betrayal as you wonder what went into the decision and how long the decision was in the making. The heartache of remembering the good times and almost feeling guilty for having any good feelings. The constant temptation to dwell on every ugly, unhappy, or bad thing you can conjure up about the job or employer. And a lingering hope that you'll wake up and it was all a dream or that they'll call and beg you to come back.

Well, nobody called to stay they were wrong to let me go. No news has come out that they totally fell apart without me there. I am now ancient history and I have to cope with it. Originally I thought I would still do volunteer work and stay connected somehow with my former employer. For the first events to come along, they were the ones to push me away. They said it was to help me focus on finding a new job. Later, after I found a new job, things really didn't change and I had lost that drive to be involved since I felt unwanted.

My life has moved forward and I'm busier than ever with my new job. Even though I stay in contact with a few former coworkers (via Facebook), I miss the relationships I had in that old job. It's hard to explain, but there were people that seemed more like an older brother or cool aunt than a supervisor or coworker and I find myself wishing I could get their advice on things. Just like with a bad breakup, I tested those waters and didn't get good results.

Learning to move on and put the past behind me has made me more cautious about thinking of any job or situation as permanent. When my parents were working, most people stayed in their jobs until retirement. Once you found your career, you stuck with it and the job usually stuck with you unless you did something awful. Times have changed and people change jobs all the time. My goal from this point on is to have any job changes be my decision and not another surprise.

I do appreciate all my friends and family members who have put up with this rollercoaster of emotions and helped me see my value. Let's hope I don't have to face another adventure like this any time soon.

Tomorrow is My Big Day

So much has been going on in my life lately and I haven't had a chance to catch up.  The biggest news is that I have a new job!  I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful it is to be wanted again.

Starting March 20th, I will be the Fundraising Coordinator for the Utah-Southern Idaho Chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. While searching for a new job, I wasn't sure I would end up in fundraising work again. The way I see it, fundraising for a cause you don't believe in is really sales, not fundraising. Maybe you think it's more important to find a job, any job, than to be picky about who you work for. I don't think it's worth wasting your life on a job you can't stand. Sure, I've had jobs that I eventually hated, but there were parts of the job I enjoyed and it took time to stop liking the job completely. 

Family photo just before Mom's diagnosis

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a cause I can support with every fiber of my being.  My mom was diagnosed with MS after giving birth to my youngest brother. For over 25 years, she gradually lost nerve connections and lost feeling in her legs, went blind in one eye, periodically lost her sight altogether, lost her ability to walk, and eventually lost her life.  MS doesn't kill...it cripples. The mom who taught me how to do The Twist and used to do marathon shopping for Christmas eventually was unable to work and had to have constant help once she ended up in a wheelchair. A simple procedure led to a horrible staph infection and that resulted in needing her heart valve to be replaced. As she recovered from all of that, the MS kicked into high gear and her body started shutting down. I barely found out in time to see her before she passed away.

Even now I have wonderful friends who have been diagnosed with MS and see how they struggle to make good use of their minds while their bodies are falling apart. So much great research is happening and improvements continue to be made. My new job gives me a chance to give hope to so many people like my mom.

The toughest thing today was seeing a post on my former employer's blog about the new Development Director. It brought back the sting of having my job eliminated in order to make room for that job. It was also hard to deal with that outcome after seeing the photo. Surely I present myself more professionally than that guy (or maybe I should have started wearing bow ties). Of course I've managed to torture myself by finding out more and seeing that he had fewer years of experience (but he's in the middle of getting his master's degree). I see now why it's really bad to look backwards - IT HURTS!  Time to face forward and embrace my new adventure.

Adventures in Interviewing

I'm pretty sure most people get nervous about being interviewed for a potential job. It's easy to over-think your answers and seem like you're acting. Getting an unexpected question seems to erase your memory and you find yourself fumbling for an answer of any kind. In my experience interviewing others, I always do what I can to try to put them at ease.

My first job interview during this job search adventure went reasonably well.  I felt like I had prepared for the usual questions for the type of job and had good stories to draw from. There were a few questions that I later wished I had answered better, so writing the post-interview thank you letters allowed me to clarify my answers. Once I delivered the letters in person, I was pretty hopeful that I would make it to the final interview round. Seeing the rejection email show up sent me into a bit of shock and I gave into crying again.

Part of what pulled me out of the job rejection blues was that I already had another job interview lined up. A friend had told me about this particular opening and it would have me working more closely with people in need. That's the kind of thing I'm passionate about, so I was excited by the time I arrived for the interview. While waiting, I was able to look over the interview questions, but I already found myself struggling to think of answers. Once in the interview, more of my brain seemed to freeze. I walked out of there wondering what had happened. I wasn't my usual self at all. More than a week has gone by and I haven't heard back. I'm pretty sure I blew that opportunity.

One of my blogging friends was kind enough to try to cheer me up by sharing an interview disaster story of her own. She even dedicated her blog post to me (I'm so honored!). It made me laugh and put me at ease about my own missteps.

This past Thursday, I had an interview for a great position and I was determined not to mess it up. Fortunately, the interviewer had a more conversational approach and she was the only interviewer. (The previous ones had been panels of three or four people.) The position was with the National Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Society, a cause I am passionate about because of my mom's struggles with MS. The real me was there this time and my brain was fully functional - yippee!  I walked out of that interview with a smile on my face and a skip in my step (literally). In my excitement, I made sure to get my thank you letter written and in the mail by the time I went to bed. Delivering in person would have been better, but transportation issues prevented it. Now it's time to wait for an answer...

Getting Some Help From My Online Sistas

Even though I'm an information junkie, I definitely don't know it all. Well before launching into my job search project, I discovered some great women out there in the bloggerverse who provided some much needed resources. Since I consult their blogs regularly, I thought I should share them with you as well.

The Work at Home Wife focuses on showing you how to make money from home. No scams for envelope stuffing here (I actually got taken by one of those my first year of college). Angie Nelson shares a variety of ideas on ways to make money from home and gives some valuable guidelines for those areas. I love that she is a Virtual Assistant and it sounds like something I'd like to do some day.

Classy Career Girl

Besides having an awesome title, Classy Career Girl is a wealth of career advice for professional women. It says it's for young professional women, but I don't feel like I'm too old to benefit from it. For someone like me who struggle with girly stuff like fashion and makeup, this site is a blessing with all the visuals on wardrobe, hair, and more.

-found this on Facebook

The biggest and most wonderful thing I've found online is fairly instant support from friends, family, and others on Facebook and Twitter. I love how the miles that separate us disappear and friends from my home town in Oregon, relatives in several different states, and even friends in other countries are able to see how I'm doing and cheer me on. They've picked me up when I was down, made me laugh, commiserated over the unfairness of it all, and inspired me to keep going. Because of you, all of you out there, I am making it through this giant challenge. Thank you!

The Rollercoaster of Emotions

People have been complimenting me on my positive attitude about being "in between jobs." The majority of my Facebook posts have been really upbeat and when I talk to people, I keep things happy and uplifting. Is that the real me? Well....yes and no.

Me and my "homies" for Halloween

Am I really that positive and happy?  Yes, I am.  As I go through my resume and reflect on all that I accomplished at Heritage, I feel so much better about myself. How could I possibly be disappointed with helping kids change their lives, bringing in grants and donations, putting on successful fundraisers, and raising enough money to build that amazing performing arts center? I helped my coworkers learn new skills and I took the time to learn about the work they did. Taking on the design work for marketing materials and invitations, learning to do the EEO reports, and creating the wellness program saved the company money so it could be used to help the kids.

So where does the no come in? I've had my down moments. I am human, after all. Days are blending into each other and I miss having the routine of having a job. I miss my coworkers and it's so hard to hear about my office getting repainted and how auditions went and knowing that Heritage can go on without me. Finding a good spot at home to work on the job search seems impossible. Where will I go next? How long will I be in limbo like this?  It really gets to you sometimes.

This morning I went from really happy as I talked to my best friend to arguing with the man I love because I was frustrated with finding my own space so I could focus. I KNOW I will find a wonderful adventure that makes great use of my skills and abilities.  In the meantime, I will be working hard and praying hard and will refrain from sharing the darker thoughts that occasionally pop into my head.

Testing My Personality

When I returned to college a few years ago, I learned one of the most important lessons about work. How much you enjoy your job is a better indicator of success than how skilled you are. This made a lot of sense when my oldest son with an aptitude for math, science, computers, and all things analytical chose to go to culinary school. Just because you know how to do something doesn't mean it will bring you happiness and fulfillment.

Instead of an aptitude test, we did exercises that explored our personality types and invited input from others on what kinds of activities made us happy. I learned that I am blue and red (Color Code) and my strong areas are creative production, counseling and mentoring, application of technology, and managing people (Careerleader). I took a new type of evaluation, the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, and was categorized as ESFJ, a guardian and provider.

It's very invigorating to do these kinds of activities. Some of the descriptions of my score described me much better than I could on my own. Knowing that I am social, loyal, great at managing and organizing, and motivated by helping people is a step toward figuring out what jobs will work for me. Money doesn't motivate me (although I like it a lot). Monotonous jobs without challenges are also not a good fit for me.

Knowing my skills, abilities, and personality traits helps me as I look at job openings. I found several already that look good and others that have duties I wouldn't enjoy. Another resource for assessing your career interests can be found at Utah Futures. If you're searching for a job or unhappy with your present job, this is a great tool to point you in the right direction.