The Rollercoaster of Emotions

People have been complimenting me on my positive attitude about being "in between jobs." The majority of my Facebook posts have been really upbeat and when I talk to people, I keep things happy and uplifting. Is that the real me? Well....yes and no.

Me and my "homies" for Halloween

Am I really that positive and happy?  Yes, I am.  As I go through my resume and reflect on all that I accomplished at Heritage, I feel so much better about myself. How could I possibly be disappointed with helping kids change their lives, bringing in grants and donations, putting on successful fundraisers, and raising enough money to build that amazing performing arts center? I helped my coworkers learn new skills and I took the time to learn about the work they did. Taking on the design work for marketing materials and invitations, learning to do the EEO reports, and creating the wellness program saved the company money so it could be used to help the kids.

So where does the no come in? I've had my down moments. I am human, after all. Days are blending into each other and I miss having the routine of having a job. I miss my coworkers and it's so hard to hear about my office getting repainted and how auditions went and knowing that Heritage can go on without me. Finding a good spot at home to work on the job search seems impossible. Where will I go next? How long will I be in limbo like this?  It really gets to you sometimes.

This morning I went from really happy as I talked to my best friend to arguing with the man I love because I was frustrated with finding my own space so I could focus. I KNOW I will find a wonderful adventure that makes great use of my skills and abilities.  In the meantime, I will be working hard and praying hard and will refrain from sharing the darker thoughts that occasionally pop into my head.