Feel Good Friday - Aphantasia

It might seem weird to be happy about finding out you having something wrong with you, but it is so freeing to put a name to a condition that has bothered you for decades. Last year I signed up with one of the DNA testing companies to do some research on bipolar disorder. My reward was getting the DNA test for free (It was total confirmation of how incredibly white I am - no surprises) in exchange for participating in some surveys. I take new surveys every few weeks and they look at what genetic traits match up with different things.

The survey I took today asked if I had "aphantasia." I had never heard that term so I quickly Googled it. My jaw dropped as I read the description and realized that I do have aphantasia.

 

Aphantasia is the inability to mentally visualize things. It seems to run on a spectrum. Some people can't mentally recall any kind of senses (vision, sound, touch, taste, smell), while others lack the mental visualization but can imagine other senses at some level. I can imagine some people's voices and some music and other sounds, but the rest is blank for me.

Why does this make me happy? I am married to a person who is very descriptive when he gives directions, tells stories, etc. I have the worst time trying to follow what he is saying because I can't come up with the mental imagery that he does. "You know that road over there? If you go past the church and two houses down, it's by that tree in the front yard." WHAT? I'm totally focused on the words he is saying and quickly getting lost. I kept thinking that I wasn't trying hard enough or I was somehow doing something wrong.

To put a name to this feels like someone gave me a big hug and said, "You're not crazy. It's just something your brain can't do. Relax." And I'm not alone in this. I keep looking up aphantasia and following Twitter conversations to learn more.

Research is in its early stages so nobody knows what causes it. I'm certain it's nothing that can be "cured." But at least now I know to ask people to draw things out, show me pictures, etc. so I can keep up. And I've also learned a cool new word!

Feel Good Friday - Beyond the Panic

Panic and anxiety has been a regular part of my life for as long as I can remember. I'm sure it is part of my bipolar disorder, but sometimes it seems to take on a life of its own. If you've never had a panic attack, think of how you feel when you have a near disaster. You slip and almost tumble down the mountain while hiking. You escape getting into a car accident by inches. Your baby wriggles out of your arms and falls on the floor. It is that feeling of near heart attack, but it continues on and on without relief.

Over the years I have had many opportunities for panic attacks. They usually happen when there is an unexpected change. I have a mental picture of what I think will happen, but the plan changes. For example, I used to work for a treatment center for youth and they had an amazing performing arts program. I was in charge of ticket sales and the first year where we tried assigned seating on the tickets I found that I had somehow ended up with multiple tickets for the same seat. This came to my attention when a VIP found there was already someone in their seat. After quickly finding a way to accommodate them all, I retreated to an empty room once the show started and I curled up in a ball and cried like crazy.

The first step toward getting beyond panic attacks came when I asked a coworker (a therapist) for advice. She asked me what the worst thing was about the situation I was worried about and then what the worst possible outcome would be. Then she asked me if I could deal with that. My answer was "yes" and I realized that my panic had come from the unknown. Once I identified and knew I could deal with the end result, I was able to calm down.

My current job has helped me see how far I've come. On particularly stressful days I often joke with coworkers that my mantra is to EXPECT CHAOS. I work for our local government and I'm responsible for broadcasting their meetings. I was in the middle of broadcasting a meeting this week and the whole thing shut down. I hadn't realized that the videos that were shown during part of the meeting would trigger a violation on YouTube and they would not only end our broadcast, but prevent us from starting a new one. Time to panic, right?

But I didn't panic. Sure, I wasn't happy. I scrambled to find solutions to our predicament, but I didn't have a meltdown. The world didn't end. Nobody was mad at me. As I reflected on it later, I was pretty pleased with myself. I had developed an attitude of expecting possible problems. When problems happened, I started looking for solutions. It wasn't fun, but I got through it. I definitely feel good about that!

Feel Good Friday - The Beginning

My daughter had been doing a regular blog post that she called "Frustration Friday." The idea was to get those gripes out of her system and move on. The reality is that focusing on the negative has consequences. She reached out to friends and family for alternative ideas for a regular blog post and I suggested "Feel Good Friday." After explaining it to her I decided that I should take my own advice.

I've decided to take the time each Friday to reflect on something positive. It could be something that made me feel good or something that makes people feel good in general. It doesn't have to be anything big or involve a long story. This is all about feeling good.

For my first Feel Good Friday, I'm reflecting on a code my best friend has with me. She no longer lives close to me, but she visits fairly often. If she reaches out to me and mentions PIE, I know its time for us to get together for a late night chat. We head to a specific restaurant that has late hours and hang out for a few hours chatting and eating. It started as going out to get some pie, talk, and decompress. Even though we didn't always have a slice of pie, the code word remained. That one simple word brings a smile to my face. It means I get to hang out with my bestie. We laugh. We gripe. We boost each other in a way that sends us home feeling great and ready to tackle the world again.

If you were to establish a code word to get away with your bestie, what would it be?

Translation, Please

The last time I had a job interview I mentioned that one of my talents was "translating." I wasn't referring to translating from one language to another. Well, not exactly. What I seem to be able to translate has to do with different cultures. That could be different ethnic cultures or different societal cultures.

When my children were younger I was often asked to narrate the performances our group would do. I understood my husband's Native American culture and was able to explain it in terms that non-Native audiences could understand. One of the more frequently asked questions was, "Do the colors you're wearing mean anything?" I knew that it was common for Scout groups, youth camps, and others to associate certain colors with qualities (courage, service, purity) or things (trees, water, fire). Knowing this I would then explain that the color choices in the dancer's regalia were personal to them and often determined by family, personal preference, or even a visionary dream.

I think the toughest lesson in "translation" that I learned was when my mom died. People expressed their support and sympathy by saying, "she's in a better place now," "God must have needed her with him," "there's a reason for everything," or "God never gives us more than we can handle." I wanted to scream and cry and tell them, "I DON"T CARE! I just want my mom back with me!!" As tough as it was for me to process, I knew that these people were not trying to hurt me. They cared and they wanted to show their support for me, but they didn't really know how to do it. Eventually I was able to mentally hear "I'm so sorry you're going through this" whenever someone made an attempt to reach out to me.

Parents often struggle to translate what their children are saying. "I hate you!" can be code for "I hate these rules you're making me follow." Even in the workplace there may be times where a coworker lashes out. For several years I battled one particular person at work. We seemed to step on each other's toes on a regular basis and had very different views and opinions on things. What I eventually figured out was that there were times she felt her value/importance at work was in jeopardy. I also noticed that we shared a lot of qualities - like attention to detail - that led to some of our clashes. By the time we stopped working together we had found a way to actually be friends.

Most recently, I watched as a friend struggled with health problems that led to a tough decision. When she opened up about it and posted on social media, messages of support and sympathy started coming in. And so did questions on whether she had tried this treatment or that as well as plenty of advice. I was a little surprised that her reaction to this was as negative as it was and that family members even jumped in to attack those who had offered the unsolicited advice. That's when I realized that translation was needed here. Friends were at a loss for how to help someone they cared so much about and all they could think to do was to try to find ways to fix the situation. They didn't think they were smarter than the doctors or think that she hadn't tried every possible remedy. This was their way of saying, "I'm so sorry this is happening to you."

Would it be easier if we could read each other's minds? Probably not. Part of the problem is that sometimes we don't really know what we want to say and the first thing we do say ends up coming out all wrong. I may do well with translating between Native Americans and non-Natives or between Millennials and GenX, but the struggle continues with the more emotional messages. Next time you find yourself in a tough argument, see if you can figure out what the other person is really trying to say.

Continuing on the Roller Coaster of Life

I just realized it has been two years since I posted to this blog. The main reason for the long break is that I've been busy doing social media and blogging in my job and I'm honestly too drained to do this stuff for myself.

More job changes, but I'm working within walking distance of my house and it's a job that feels like a perfect fit. For almost two years I have been the community relations coordinator for the Provo City Council. My responsibilities include handling communications for the Council and coordinating Provo's Neighborhood Program. Working in government is very, very different, but I love the challenge...and it's a constant challenge. Ironically, my mom spent most of her career working for a city government.

The way I see it, most of what I do is to "translate." Government news isn't always easy to understand so I work to de-jargon information and put it in terms the average person can understand. I also help the Council to reach more people by using Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc. This is still a fairly new way for government to communicate but it's going well. I'm also helping our citizens to communicate with the Council so their needs are heard. A real highlight so far is that a coworker and I presented at the Government Social Media Conference earlier this year.

My hubby has also been going through changes and challenges at work. So grateful we work as a team and manage all this craziness together. I've enjoyed being there to support his coaching efforts in football and softball. We anticipate continuing challenges, but we can take it.

The most dramatic news - our baby boy got married. He's now married to a girl who grew up just one block away. They've known each other most of their lives and developed a great friendship. The wedding incorporated our Navajo heritage with the bride's love of the outdoors. We love having a daughter in our family and it's a bonus that we already know her family well.

Life without kids in the house is different. There are a lot of nice things - less trash, less food, less noise, more privacy. We do miss them a lot and regularly text/message them to see what's going on. Denver Broncos games bring them over so we can all watch together. And we sometimes go out to lunch or a movie. This will probably be the routine until one of them decides to move farther away. Seeing nieces and nephews often makes me miss the adventures of having young children around.

The ups and downs don't surprise me too much anymore. That's life. To be expected. I see it as yet another challenge and tackle it as best I can. Is this what it means to be grown up? Am I finally mature enough to let most craziness roll over me instead of knocking me over? Guess so.

Inspired Guns DVD Giveaway

Maple Mountain Communications has given me an opportunity to do a little giveaway.  You could win a DVD of the newly released movie Inspired Guns.

This film is another in the Mormon movie genre. There are a few in this genre that I've loved, mostly the more serious films like Charly, The Other Side of Heaven, and The Best Two Years. I haven't seen many of the comedies and this movie fits that category best.

Inspired Guns is a comedy of errors involving LDS missionaries, the mafia, and the FBI. Check out the press release for details on the cast and the background of this movie.

Want your own copy? Enter our giveaway now.

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I'm Still a Mom

It has been nearly a year since our boys moved out of the house. It was kind of lonely at first and it seemed like we usually had to be the ones to reach out if we wanted to hear from them. They only moved to the next city over, a quick 10-minute drive down the road, but our paths stopped crossing.

Even though it took some getting used to, we were happy to have a little more room in the house and our activities as a couple were improving. We were entering a new phase in our lives as parents.

Now that the boys have experienced living on their own and paying their own bills, we get the occasional text or phone call. They'll ask for help or advice. Sometimes they just need someone to talk to. Other times we end up helping mediate their arguments.

I have to be honest that I've enjoyed those moments where they still needed their mom or dad. Even better are the times when they realize that something we tried teaching them was true. We don't have the means to be able to rescue them from every situation. Job losses, cars breaking down, and mounting debts are all things that we've all had to deal with at one time or another. I'm glad my dear boys still come to me for help or comfort and that I get to be a mom on a whole new level.

Supporting the Local Community

As we increasingly find ourselves shopping for the best deals online, a lot of great local businesses end up finding it tough to compete. It's not just about trying to find the cheapest price. A lot of my motivation for shopping online is for the convenience. What if you could take advantage of the convenience and still support local products?

MercoBox is doing just that. They gather samples of products from your local community, packaging them in a fun box shipped to your door.

I was able to sample April's MercoLocal box:

• Eco Treasures soap nuts
• Ashley's Apothecary healing salve
• Fit Me Tea 3 tea samples and filter
• Meals that Transform power bar and protein mix
• Les Madeleines 3 madeleines
• Mason Jar Coffee Roasters Colombia Guatica
• Rodizio Grill gift card
• Our Childrens Earth gift card
• Downtime Yoga gift card
• Ballet West gift card

My first impression upon opening the box was a good one. These were unique items in quality packaging. I loved that I could try so many items produced here in Utah without a big investment. It reminds me of going to the farmer's market. This would be a very long post if I reviewed every product in the box, but I'll share some of the highlights.

The most surprising thing about the Ashley's Apothecary healing salve was its lack of smell. I'm used to these things having a pretty strong smell but this salve was odorless. It absorbs into the skin well without a greasy feeling.

One of the things you'll notice with Fit Me Tea is the lack of tea bag. These are loose leaf teas that come with paper filters. I like the packaging that tells you not only the flavor of the tea, but the function and the mood of it. For example, the G Blend says it is a "crisp, clean green with a shot of berry" and you'll feel "light & energized, like running on the beach naked." I'll have to take their word on that last part! Preparing the tea didn't end up taking any longer than throwing a tea bag in a cup and the flavor was amazing. Best green tea I've ever had and that bit of berry taste was the best part.

Of all the products, my favorites were the madeleines from Les Madeleines. These are soft, lemony little cakes that taste great alone and are absolutely heavenly when dunked in coffee, tea, or hot cocoa. I normally don't dunk things in my beverages but I'm glad I tried it. The bakery actually calls them cookies but they have more of a cake-like texture (at least to me).

Want your own MercoBox? Get one for 25% off by using this coupon code: iheartutah 

Disclaimer:  The MercoBox products were provided for this review. The opinions expressed are completely my own.

Birthday Memories

Birthdays are a funny thing. As a kid you get excited because you can't wait to get older. For a short period of time in your early adult years your birthday is a opportunity to have fun and you're not as concerned with age. At some point, you start to dread getting older and birthdays don't seem as fun.

Growing up poor meant we didn't do much for birthdays in our family. I do remember having a party for my birthday one time in all those years. Several school friends came over and I felt really special until my dad embarrassed me in front of everyone. He had a toy he was playing with - a battery operated helicopter attached by wire to a controller. All it could really do was go up or down based on running the propeller. Dad thought it would be fun to land it on my head during the birthday party. The helicopter landed gently on the top of my head and proceeded to start wrapping my hair around the propeller. You can imagine the rest...

Other than that one very interesting attempt at a party, the rest of the birthdays in our house were pretty low key. The birthday kid always got to choose their cake flavor. I always picked cherry chip cake with chocolate frosting. We also had a say in what we ate for dinner. Mom finally got tired of me always asking for chicken Kiev so she later limited what we could choose. I just liked being special for one day a year.

I was so sure that everyone else had better birthdays than I did. Imagine my surprise when I got married and found that my husband's family wasn't terribly different in how they celebrated. Any event in a Navajo family is celebrated with food. Birthdays for them were a great excuse to bring the family together. It was more than just dinner, though, and ended up being the type of family celebration that was better than decorations and presents.

With my own kids I tried to do the parties. We had some fun here and there and I even organized one heck of a Magic the Gathering party with a mini tournament and kids designing their own Magic cards. In the end it really wasn't my thing. The parties I still like the most are the big birthday cookouts with my husband's family and the gatherings at work where everyone just swaps stories.

Today is my husband's birthday and I'm sure he wishes he could be back home, having a big family cookout. I'm doing my best to make this a great birthday for him. Spam and eggs for breakfast, gifts both practical and fun, and then Navajo (or White Chick) tacos for dinner. Just spending the day together has been fun already.

What are your favorite birthday memories?

Christmas Traditions

Christmas seems to be such a time for traditions. As a child I never thought too much about the traditions in my own family. Reflecting back on my childhood Christmases and what traditions we keep going in our family now has been a lot of fun this year.

The anticipation of opening our presents was tough and Dad made it tougher. We had to wake up everyone first and Dad insisted we eat breakfast before going over to the tree. Sometimes we were worried whether Santa made it to our house or not since Dad would make a big show of stoking up the fire in the fireplace and tell us that there was no way Santa was getting into our house.

Stockings were opened first and always had an apple or orange, peanuts, and candy (Whitman's sampler and Lifesavers storybook box). Then there would be small toys, jewelry, makeup, socks, and other trinkets. For many years we got a Toblerone candy bar. My poor mom always seemed to have cooking utensils in her stocking and Dad had us kids convinced that all Mom ever wanted was cooking stuff.

After we opened presents, we got ready to go to Grandma and Grandpa's house. That involved a two-hour drive but it was worth it. We loved playing with our cousins and Grandma not only made a great dinner but wonderful pies and cookies for all. My sister, Kathy, and I would play Christmas songs by Alvin and the Chipmunks, singing and dancing along, taking over the living room. All of the kids would slide down the stairs and play games that modern kids couldn't imagine (no electronics involved).

Getting married led to some new traditions. The biggest one was attending midnight mass. My husband was raised Catholic and that was a big part of his family's Christmas traditions. It was wonderful to spend the first moments of Christmas Day celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. As the years went by it was our way of feeling like we could still be with our family even though we were far away. All of us were at mass at the same time, no matter where we were.

Some traditions changed since we rarely had a chance to travel the long distances to be with family and because we were merging two different backgrounds.  I love knowing the stories behind our ornaments and insist on being the only one to put certain precious ornaments on the tree. I was used to significant presents being under the tree but I married someone who likes to put some of the best presents in or next to the stockings. We also took on his family's tradition of seeing a movie on Christmas Day. As we get closer to Christmas we get excited about picking out what movie we will save for that day. We used to light candles on the Advent wreath but lately we haven't managed to get our Christmas stuff out of storage in time to do it.

I hadn't thought much about what our own children would enjoy in our traditions. They started bringing girlfriends along to midnight mass. Our oldest mentioned last week how much he looked forward to packs of cards in his stocking. From Pokemon to Yu-Gi-Oh to Magic cards. "It's like the Christmas lottery!" It's so different having our kids out of the house now and waiting for them to come over so we can open presents. Some day we will be watching them develop their own Christmas traditions.

What are the Christmas traditions you look forward to?

The Power of Connections

In my work for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society we have come to focus on CONNECTIONS. Multiple sclerosis (MS) destroys connections in the nervous system and we believe that we can make connections that will kill MS. People connect to others to raise funds for new research or to educate or even to create friendships that help them cope with the disease.

It didn't take long before I started to see how connections were playing a part in so many areas of my life. When I was first plunged into searching for a new job in early 2012 I worked with a job coach who emphasized how important it was to network (use connections) to discover job opportunities. Most employers I've worked for are more likely to hire someone who is recommended by a current employee and sometimes the employee can give you a "heads up" on positions that are opening up soon.

The last couple of months have provided our family with some challenges and emergencies. In nearly every instance the power of connections came to the rescue. My daily commute of 50 miles each way was taking a toll on my car and the motor on the heater fan went out. I was facing a large repair bill that we couldn't absorb. Fortunately, I had reconnected at our Bike MS event with a great guy who used to work for our favorite mechanic. I asked him for recommendations on a reliable and affordable mechanic and he connected me to someone who fixed the car at a price we could handle.

The freezing cold temperatures did a number on our backyard faucet. The pipe cracked and water was spraying all over. Every plumber we called was overbooked already and they estimated the job would be at least $300. There goes Christmas! We are blessed to have a guy in our neighborhood who can fix pretty much anything. Our sons came over to help us out and called our neighborhood hero as well.  By the end of the night we were able to get the pipe replaced and have running water (without leaks) again.

My latest set of connections ended in the most fun I've ever had at a job interview. It all started with a dental emergency. I have an unhappy history with dentists and generally find them terrifying, but with a broken tooth developing an abscess there was no way to avoid seeing one. My hubby got a recommendation from a coworker for the dentist that has sponsored the football team he coaches. That connection helped me to get in for an appointment right away. The dentist turned out to be really great but I was also facing a lot of work to fix my dental problems. I found myself overwhelmed by everything that needed to be done and the cost of it all and started falling apart. That's when the dentist offered us some different options and slowed everything down so I could calm down. He was like no other dentist I had ever met. When I got home I checked out his website and Facebook page and saw that he had a great relationship with his patients. Reading through the posts and seeing how he and his office interacted with all these families showed me that he was definitely the dentist for me. How does this end up in a job interview? Today I had a job interview with a company that helps dental practices get their social media started. During the interview I mentioned my great new dentist and how impressed I was with his Facebook page. That's when I found out that my dentist was one of their clients! I felt so comfortable in that interview and my experience with my dentist let me see what a wonderful job this was.

These are just a few of the examples. Just connecting with friends on Facebook led to me getting tickets to a sold-out show my brother was performing in. Connecting on Twitter led to an offer from a "Finding Bigfoot" scientist to speak to my hubby's biology students and getting to meet comedian Gabriel Iglesias after his show (where he wished us a happy 25th anniversary). May you all find your own connections that make your world a much better place!

A New Challenge Begins

I was never petite but I recently hit some bad milestones. My weight went higher than ever before but I did start bring that down a bit earlier in the year. Still, I have about 100 pounds I need to lose before reaching the weight that's healthiest for me. It's kind of interesting to think back to when I was in high school and my early adult years. Back then I thought I was fat but I would give anything to be that size again.

Last month, a visit to the doctor brought a lot of bad news. I already had high blood pressure and diabetes and cholesterol problems got added to my list. Expanding the battle beyond just trying to lose weight made things much more serious. My list of problems was creating a situation bringing me closer to a heart attack and I could no longer just be okay with how I look.

There are a lot of things I used to do that are more difficult now. I don't have the strength or endurance I had when our kids were younger. It was frustrating to feel those limitations during our big events at work. An office job body doesn't help at a major event where there's a lot of loading, unloading, setting, down, cleaning up, and general running around.

Feeling accountable is one of the best ways to help yourself stick to a plan. I decided to make this whole thing a win-win by turning it into a fundraiser. My mom battled her weight but was restricted by her multiple sclerosis (MS) in what she could do to stay active. I want to honor my mom by having the money I raise go to finding a cure for MS. My goal is to lose 30 pounds by October 4 (my birthday) and I'm having people pledge to donate for each pound I lose.

There's so much to battle when it comes to weight loss:

• Time - it takes time to prepare healthier foods and it's so much easier to grab fast food
• Money - a lot of the healthier options cost more than the unhealthy ones
• Culture - I married into a culture that celebrates everything with food. You don't decline the offers of food either. 
• Regular eating - for both weight loss and diabetes it is important to eat regular meals and not skip any
• Exercise - I'm not a fan of working out and my job and the commute leave me sitting most of the day. Fitting in the exercise will be a challenge for sure.

Fortunately, I'm getting more support than I ever imagined. Encouragement on Facebook from friends and family have already made this better than past attempts at losing weight. I'm making good use of SparkPeople.com, the best free weight loss resource online. I also got a huge surprise when a new friend and his wife gave me a bicycle they weren't using anymore.

I've only lost a few pounds so far, but at least I'm going in the right direction now.

Pay Attention Before You Pay Money

With our hectic, rush-around lives today we often put ourselves in a vulnerable position. Most of us probably put a good amount of thought into making our purchases. I know that I will research items and brands to find out about a product's features, compare prices, and read reviews by others who have tried the product already.

Unfortunately, we go through our day making purchases with barely any thought at all. How much are you losing when you zone out and trust the cash register to ring up the correct price? My dad was big on watching as items were rung up at the store. He taught me to pay attention to sale prices and to make sure they showed up that way at the cash register. He also explained that stores are regularly checked for their accuracy and that mistakes are always found. Nobody is perfect and some stores seem to avoid programming in sales prices intentionally.

It's only a few cents, right? Why bother making a big deal out of the 15 cents they overcharged you on something? Because that one item is the only one you caught and there are most likely many, many more. If you don't say anything, they will happily overcharge you over and over again.

I had another experience with this on a higher level today. I needed to buy tires for my car and I checked ahead of time on prices at the specific store I was going to. We were also smart enough to take advantage of a daily deals offer that allowed us to get $50 vouchers for $25. I also saw that the store was running some rebate deals when buying sets of 4 tires. Armed and ready, I headed into Big O Tires to make my big purchase. The quote I was given for the tires was $20 per tire more than I was expecting. When I challenged the clerk, he printed out a list of all the tires that size with their prices from their store's website. Imagine his surprise when I showed him that the tires I was shopping for had a lower price on the website than what he had in his computer database.

It doesn't end there. When I came to pick up my car with the pretty new tires, the original clerk was gone and he didn't put my vouchers with the work order. There was no way I was going to let $200 in vouchers just disappear! Fortunately, the clerk who was there did a serious search and found the vouchers. Paying attention and standing up for myself saved me more than a few cents today.

An Insider's View of Nonprofits

For nearly 12 years now I have worked for nonprofit organizations. In addition, I have worked with a handful of other nonprofit groups in a volunteer leadership capacity. In hanging out on Facebook tonight, I saw a post that got me all worked up. It was an infographic that claimed to tell about how some very large charities were paying large salaries to their executives and how some smaller charities were putting more of the money donated to "the cause."

After a quick check of Snopes to see if anything had been said about this infographic, I found that the information it presented was old and very inaccurate.  Unfortunately, things like this fly across Facebook at amazing speed and most people will just decide to turn their backs on larger charities without ever trying to learn the truth.

If you intend to give to a charity/nonprofit, you should be checking to see where the money goes. I'd like to .

tell you some of the things I've learned so you can have a better understanding of how some of these organizations work.  I'm no expert, but I have a working knowledge to share. The first thing to be aware of is that charities need to be recognized as such by the IRS. Getting that official nonprofit status means that they've set up the organization and proven their purpose and that they will have to meet certain standards to keep that status. Not every charity is a nonprofit. There are actually some charities that are for profit rather than nonprofit.

My biggest pet peeve when people look at and judge nonprofits is that they assume that everyone involve should be working for free or for very tiny salaries. Good will and desire to help drives many people to volunteer their time and talents to the causes they believe in, but how many of you would be willing to work a 40+ hour per week job all year long without any pay? Those in executive positions would make at least 2-4 times more for the same work in a for-profit company. In my current job with the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, we make very good use of volunteers and the hours they contributed last year were equivalent to five full-time employees.

The task of calculating where the donated money goes is a very interesting process. You have to determine how much money went toward the mission of the organization. That could be programs, services, research, etc. On the other side are the administrative and fundraising costs. Although some donations would probably come in without prompting, the majority of donations will come in through fundraising campaigns and events. There will generally be costs associated with either of those activities.

For example, I manage our Walk MS events in Utah. We do what we can to get things donated and have fees waived, but we still have a lot of costs involved. It was a challenge to do the budget and determine every penny needed and where to cut spending. Here is just a sampling of what costs go with this type of event:

• event permits
• police fees (for blocking streets along the route)
• location/park rental
• food and water for participants
• signage (sign, sign, everywhere a sign)
• bibs (race number) and safety pins
• design and printing of posters, brochures, postcards, etc.
• design and printing of event shirts, volunteer shirts
• prizes/incentives to motivate fundraising by participants
• rental of sound system, tables, chairs, tents
• envelopes, letterhead, and postage for letters to acknowledge and thank donors
• miscellaneous office supplies and printing for registration forms, waivers, check-in lists, etc.
• first aid/emergency personnel
• gas/mileage, truck rental, etc. to haul supplies
• armored transport for money
• advertising for event
• bank fees for credit card donations
• software platform for online fundraising
• salaries of staff involved

Even with a fundraising campaign, you're paying for the envelopes, letterhead, and postage and then the salaries of those involved with preparing and executing the campaign. Bulk mailings can help with costs for sending out a lot of appeals at one time. Despite the way most people seem to feel about these appeals, they tend to bring in more than what was spent with much less effort than a large event or phone campaign.

I used to work for a different nonprofit that had a very different setup. It was a residential treatment center for youth and the fundraising (or development) side of things was actually quite small. Funding for the treatment provided came in from various agencies, health insurance, and families of the clients. That meant that the basic needs of the facility were already taken care of. Fundraising targeted specific needs and improvements to the program rather than the daily needs. In some ways, they could claim that 100% of the donations went directly to the cause and nothing was spent on administrative and fundraising expenses since the employees, buildings, equipment, etc. were already being paid for and weren't dependent on the fundraising. It makes sense, but the official way of calculating it isn't swayed by that logic. Salaries for executives and the development personnel had to be weighed against the small number of donations that were coming in (fees for the services provided aren't donations) and that gave an unfavorable picture.

Next time you decide to support your favorite cause, check to see how they handle the money and keep in mind what it takes to keep that organization up and running. If you decide to be part of a charitable event that doesn't charge a fee, I hope you will consider donating a few dollars to offset the costs of that "free" event. I hope you will also consider how you can make a difference by contributing your time and talents (especially professional skills) as a volunteer for your favorite charity.

Win a Keepsake Tatted Lace Doily

I'm doing something bold here to support a cause dear to my heart.  I'm offering up a tatted lace doily that I made for my mom. In 1999, I lost my mom to complications due to multiple sclerosis (MS). She had lived with MS for 25 years and was only 54 years old when she died. The doily I made her returned to my possession at that time and I've decided that it's time to bring it out of storage.

I am raising money for an event called Walk MS. It supports the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and will help fund research to find a cure so nobody else has to lose their mom to this horrible disease.  For every $1 donation to my fundraising efforts, your name will be entered into a drawing to win this doily ($5 donation puts your name in the drawing 5 times). I will draw the winning name on May 1, 2013.  Donations can be made online, delivered to me in person, or mailed to the National MS Society (address below).

Thank you for anything you are able to give. Giving up this keepsake will be worth it if it brings us closer to finding a cure.

Mailing address:
National MS Society
1440 Foothill Dr., Suite 200
Salt Lake City, UT 84108
(Please make sure you include a note that says "Karen Tapahe, Walk MS" so the money is credited to the right place)

The doily is approximately 8.5 inches across and tatted in peach colored cotton thread. This was one of the first doilies I ever tatted.

Changing the World in Just One Day

There is an amazing new trend and it's absolutely awesome! Various communities are holding giving days. These are 24-hour fundraising blitzes encouraging people to give where they live. The state where I live (Utah) is having it's Love Utah Give Utah campaign on Friday, March 22, and I'm thrilled to be involved.

One of the wonderful things about this campaign is that many smaller nonfprofit organizations are getting exposure because of the campaign as a whole. In Utah, the hosting organization is also giving extra donations of $1,000 - $2,500 to the causes/organizations that bring in the highest number of unique donations. That's the number of donations, not the dollars given in the donations! This is a great opportunity for those of us working for organizations that have lots of regular people donating instead of major donors.

Another cool thing is the potential for doubling your donation. I heard this morning that there are companies like Maverik and IntegraCore willing to match employees' donations. Some of the charities have also lined up matching donors.





My mom - walking with only
20% feeling in her legs
after 13 years with MS.



My heart is with the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and not just because I work for the Utah-Southern Idaho Chapter. I was only nine years-old when my mom was diagnosed with multiple Sclerosis (MS). There weren't any treatments back then and I felt so helpless. She taught me to do "the twist" and we had our "shop til you drop" tradition every Black Friday. Over the years, I watched her struggle with her eyesight and lose feeling in her legs to the point that she eventutally couldn't walk. MS is unpredictable and affects each person differently, making this a very frustrating disease. Mom died in 1999 after 25 years of living with MS. I thought my fight against MS was done until I found friends being diagnosed with MS and I just couldn't sit back and do nothing. Nobody else should lose their mom (or dad, friend, son, daughter, etc.) to this crazy disease! Even kids are being diagnosed with it now.

There are now nine disease-modifying treatments and amazing progress is being made. In case you aren't familiar with scientific and medical research, it's important to know that researchers go where the dollars are. If we can't fund their research, they will move on to other projects. That's just the harsh reality. Please join me in supporting the National MS Society or another great charity during Love Utah Give Utah or find the giving day for your area (Arizona's was March 20). I challenge you to give $14 for the 14 years since I lost my mom to MS. There is a matching grant that will double at least the first $1,000 of donations to the Society, so your money will be extra powerful. If we get the most people donating, we could also earn some extra funds.  YOU will be helping to change the world!

Being Dumped by a Job

Just over a year ago, I had an experience that I'd never had before and that I didn't see coming. I lost my job. It was a job I had loved for 10 years and being told that my position was being eliminated was an absolute shock. How am I doing now that a year has gone by? That depends on when you ask me.

Although I took the news well initially, I eventually struggled with it in some interesting ways. The closest scenario I could compare it to is that of being dumped by a boyfriend. The sting of rejection. Trying to figure out how to define yourself without that relationship/job. A sense of betrayal as you wonder what went into the decision and how long the decision was in the making. The heartache of remembering the good times and almost feeling guilty for having any good feelings. The constant temptation to dwell on every ugly, unhappy, or bad thing you can conjure up about the job or employer. And a lingering hope that you'll wake up and it was all a dream or that they'll call and beg you to come back.

Well, nobody called to stay they were wrong to let me go. No news has come out that they totally fell apart without me there. I am now ancient history and I have to cope with it. Originally I thought I would still do volunteer work and stay connected somehow with my former employer. For the first events to come along, they were the ones to push me away. They said it was to help me focus on finding a new job. Later, after I found a new job, things really didn't change and I had lost that drive to be involved since I felt unwanted.

My life has moved forward and I'm busier than ever with my new job. Even though I stay in contact with a few former coworkers (via Facebook), I miss the relationships I had in that old job. It's hard to explain, but there were people that seemed more like an older brother or cool aunt than a supervisor or coworker and I find myself wishing I could get their advice on things. Just like with a bad breakup, I tested those waters and didn't get good results.

Learning to move on and put the past behind me has made me more cautious about thinking of any job or situation as permanent. When my parents were working, most people stayed in their jobs until retirement. Once you found your career, you stuck with it and the job usually stuck with you unless you did something awful. Times have changed and people change jobs all the time. My goal from this point on is to have any job changes be my decision and not another surprise.

I do appreciate all my friends and family members who have put up with this rollercoaster of emotions and helped me see my value. Let's hope I don't have to face another adventure like this any time soon.

I've Been Blowing My Nose Wrong

I'm 45 years old and I can't believe nobody told me I was doing it all wrong. Well, my husband has expressed his concern over my technique, but I always thought he was just teasing me. When I get congested, I tend to put everything into trying to clear my nose. This winter's bout of illness really did me in. I had bronchitis and sinusitis, had a few days of feeling good, and then launched into another miserable mess of coughing, sneezing, and congestion. Things took a turn for the worst and I finally got the doctor to put me on a strong antibiotic. For a few days, I felt human again and it was awesome.  Unfortunately, my runny nose and congestion returned full force and I'm miserable again. I think it's due to the inversion - Utah's version of winter smog.

After boxes of tissues, machine gun sneezing, coughing that keeps me up, and a face that now feels like it was rubbed with sandpaper, I was finally desperate enough to do some serious internet research. I discovered that I was being too aggressive about blowing my nose. It's possible that I've been making things worse for myself. I've already taken care of letting my hubby know that he was right and now I want to pass the information along to all my friends. Life is tough enough without doing such a simple thing wrong.

Here's some advice on how to blow your nose correctly.

Essentials for Working Far from Home

Assuming you survived commuting to work, you're not exactly free and clear of problems. I went from a working at a location just five miles from my house to working 50 miles away. There are so many things that can go wrong during the work day and now I was too far away to be able to run home for a quick remedy.

Ibuprofen, lip balm, lotion...having these at your desk sure beats having to run to a nearby store when you need them.

Hygiene products like toothpaste, toothbrush, deodorant...these are a lifesaver when you get rushed in the morning and forget to brush your teeth. I've had some very physically active days while preparing for events and was relieved to be able to reapply some deodorant.

Cosmetics, hair products...great for those days when you oversleep and had to skip a step getting ready. It's also nice for when weather messes up your look or you just need a little touch-up.

A change of clothing...surprised by this one? Have you ever spilled something on your clothes at work? Maybe you had to spend the day moving boxes and your clothing isn't fresh anymore. Any number of things could happen to mess up your shirt, pants, skirt, dress, etc. and you can't just run home to change.

Spare car key...very crucial unless you want to spend a fortune on calling a locksmith. It only took one close call for me to realize that I would really be stuck if I locked my keys in my car while at work. One of my coworkers went down the road at lunchtime to put gas in her car and ended up locking her purse and keys in the car. She called the office and I rushed to her rescue. Unfortunately, the only other person who had a key was her husband and it took 45 minutes for him to arrive. She couldn't just leave the car there since the gas station owner was threatening to tow it. Having a copy of your key made isn't usually expensive and it will quickly pay off if you ever need to use it.

That's my basic list. What are your work essentials?

The Middle Aged Woman's Guide to Commuting

The only thing I really don't like about my current job is that I have to commute every day to the office. Despite massive amounts of freeway construction (which I got to experience driving through), the traffic is absolutely horrific at times. My home and my office are very close to the freeway and about 45-50 miles apart. It doesn't take a math genius to figure out that driving 50 miles on a road with a 65 mph speed limit should take less than an hour.  That math doesn't work when you drive during rush hour...and I do.

Morning commutes run 1-1.5 hours and aren't too stressful unless there are weather problems (Utah = snow & ice) or traffic accidents are blocking the road. When I leave my office at 5:00 pm, however, it feels like the entire state of Utah decided to get on the road with me. Traffic just crawls and it sometimes takes two hours to get home.

In case you ever get stuck commuting to work, I'm going to offer some advice so you don't have to learn everything the hard way.

• Make sure you have food and drink in the car. These are very handy if you break down or get stuck for extended periods of time. Keep them within your reach to partake while driving.
• Go to the bathroom before you leave. Yes, that's the same thing you keep telling your kids. Now it's time for you to take that same advice. No matter how short you think your drive is going to be, I guarantee it will double if you get the urge to pee. If you ignore this advice (or drink too much Diet Coke while driving), I guarantee you're better off getting off the freeway and going to a gas station to relieve yourself. Trying to hold it does not help your driving skills at all!
• Have a coat and a blanket in the car. My car broke down on the way to work one day. The weather didn't seem too cold until I was stranded in the shade of a cement wall in a car that wouldn't start. I huddled under a blanket I had in the backseat (from football season) until someone could come get me. Our current temperatures in Utah are below freezing and it's not worth getting caught without some way to keep warm.
• Keep napkins, tissues, cough drops, ibuprofen, trash bags, etc. handy. When you spend 2-3 hours each day in the car, there's a pretty good chance you will sneeze or have a headache or even spill something. Having these items where you can quickly reach them (without looking) could be a lifesaver.  And my car would be an absolute disaster if I didn't always have a grocery bag dedicated to holding the trash. 
• Bring music. When traffic starts to stress me out, I find that playing music puts me in a better mood. Plus, I keep hoping that if I bounce around enough (in an attempt to dance), maybe I'll burn off some calories. Nobody really knows who that crazy lady be-bopping in her car is...
• Know the best radio station for traffic reports. Most radio stations in a metropolitan area will give a few traffic reports during the rush hour drive. It's better to find the station that gives updates every 10-15 minutes. When problems happen, you'll know in time to reroute or let people know you're going to be late. You can't always avoid the traffic jams, but it helps to know what lies ahead of you.
• Find out what the alternate routes are. When the freeway turns into a parking lot, it's too late to go on an adventure to find a new way to or from work. Check out some of the alternate major streets and give them a try from time to time to see how viable an alternative they are. 
• If traffic is really bad, find something else to do. Sometimes you can run a few errands or work out at the gym before hitting the road and you end up getting home at the same time you would have if you had suffered through the traffic. Leaving a little earlier in the morning could give you time to fit in some errands or just get to work before all the phone calls start.
• Learn how to merge! One of the toughest and scariest parts of my commute is where lanes merge. I used to hate people who didn't get out of the ending lane right away. That was until I learned to do a zipper merge. As implied by the name, the cars carefully come together like the teeth in a zipper. Match your speed to the cars in the lane next to you. When the lane ends, carefully move over into a gap between cars. Some drivers may challenge you on this, but if you're not trying to race ahead, most people will let you in. I like to position myself so the car behind me doesn't speed ahead and ruin the good mood of a successful merge.

These are the things that have kept me alive during the daily commute. I also like to make phone calls to make the drive seem shorter, but that may not be legal where you live. In a perfect world, my job would be closer to where I live (or vice versa) or I would be able to work from home. Until then, I'll be dancing in the driver's seat!