I'm Still a Mom

It has been nearly a year since our boys moved out of the house. It was kind of lonely at first and it seemed like we usually had to be the ones to reach out if we wanted to hear from them. They only moved to the next city over, a quick 10-minute drive down the road, but our paths stopped crossing.

Even though it took some getting used to, we were happy to have a little more room in the house and our activities as a couple were improving. We were entering a new phase in our lives as parents.

Now that the boys have experienced living on their own and paying their own bills, we get the occasional text or phone call. They'll ask for help or advice. Sometimes they just need someone to talk to. Other times we end up helping mediate their arguments.

I have to be honest that I've enjoyed those moments where they still needed their mom or dad. Even better are the times when they realize that something we tried teaching them was true. We don't have the means to be able to rescue them from every situation. Job losses, cars breaking down, and mounting debts are all things that we've all had to deal with at one time or another. I'm glad my dear boys still come to me for help or comfort and that I get to be a mom on a whole new level.

Changing the World in Just One Day

There is an amazing new trend and it's absolutely awesome! Various communities are holding giving days. These are 24-hour fundraising blitzes encouraging people to give where they live. The state where I live (Utah) is having it's Love Utah Give Utah campaign on Friday, March 22, and I'm thrilled to be involved.

One of the wonderful things about this campaign is that many smaller nonfprofit organizations are getting exposure because of the campaign as a whole. In Utah, the hosting organization is also giving extra donations of $1,000 - $2,500 to the causes/organizations that bring in the highest number of unique donations. That's the number of donations, not the dollars given in the donations! This is a great opportunity for those of us working for organizations that have lots of regular people donating instead of major donors.

Another cool thing is the potential for doubling your donation. I heard this morning that there are companies like Maverik and IntegraCore willing to match employees' donations. Some of the charities have also lined up matching donors.





My mom - walking with only
20% feeling in her legs
after 13 years with MS.



My heart is with the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and not just because I work for the Utah-Southern Idaho Chapter. I was only nine years-old when my mom was diagnosed with multiple Sclerosis (MS). There weren't any treatments back then and I felt so helpless. She taught me to do "the twist" and we had our "shop til you drop" tradition every Black Friday. Over the years, I watched her struggle with her eyesight and lose feeling in her legs to the point that she eventutally couldn't walk. MS is unpredictable and affects each person differently, making this a very frustrating disease. Mom died in 1999 after 25 years of living with MS. I thought my fight against MS was done until I found friends being diagnosed with MS and I just couldn't sit back and do nothing. Nobody else should lose their mom (or dad, friend, son, daughter, etc.) to this crazy disease! Even kids are being diagnosed with it now.

There are now nine disease-modifying treatments and amazing progress is being made. In case you aren't familiar with scientific and medical research, it's important to know that researchers go where the dollars are. If we can't fund their research, they will move on to other projects. That's just the harsh reality. Please join me in supporting the National MS Society or another great charity during Love Utah Give Utah or find the giving day for your area (Arizona's was March 20). I challenge you to give $14 for the 14 years since I lost my mom to MS. There is a matching grant that will double at least the first $1,000 of donations to the Society, so your money will be extra powerful. If we get the most people donating, we could also earn some extra funds.  YOU will be helping to change the world!

How Do You Feel About Mother's Day?

Dad and Mom with me and my sister, Kathy

I'm not a fan of Mother's Day. It's one of the most depressing days for me. I miss my own mom terribly and she was the only reason I ever cared about Mother's Day. It's also tough not to think of my own inadequacies as a mom. The commercialization of the holiday certainly doesn't help. "If you love your mom, you'll get her diamonds," seems to be the message. I don't think I'm the only mom who doesn't want gifts given out of a sense of obligation or guilt.

One of the things that impressed me with my mom was that she kept the macaroni necklace I made her in the same jewelry box as her pearls and other fine jewelry. She valued the noodles and Cracker Jack charms strung especially for her by her daughter much more than anything purchased from a store.

My husband & sons celebrate my bachelor's degree

My favorite Mother's Day as a mom was in the last couple of years when my sons gave me handmade cards. Each card showed the personality of the one who made it. They are some of my most prized possessions now.

All a mom really wants is to know that she did okay and that she's loved. We worry about being too strict or too lenient, caring too much or not enough, and on and on. When your kids get to their teenage years, they tell you how unfair or mean you are, that you don't understand them or that you're never there for them. That transition from having kids who adore you and can't live without you to having your kids push you away can be heartbreaking. It sure was for me.

My own ability to truly appreciate my mom and apologize for the stupidity of my youth came after I had children of my own. I'm so glad I had a chance to tell her I was sorry and to show her that I loved her. One of the things that keeps me going right now is knowing that my time will come with my own children.

Taking our youngest son to the MTC

This week I had one of the toughest experiences a mom can go through. We belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and many of the boys in our faith choose to serve a two-year mission when they are around 19 years-old. My youngest son decided to serve a mission. He is 20 and was called to serve in Texas. We delivered him to the Missionary Training Center (MTC) on Wednesday and we won't see him again for 24 months. Our only communication will be through writing letters and he only has one day a week for letter writing. Short phone calls come at Christmas and on Mother's Day (except while in the MTC). Even though it's a very rewarding experience and many blessings come to the missionary and his family, it's hard to be out of touch with your child - especially in this modern day of instant communication. No more text messages, Facebook posts, or phone calls. I have to wait for that once a week letter in the mail.  While we are amazed at our son's commitment to faith and willingness to sacrifice two years of his life to serving God, we will worry about not being there to protect him or help him when he needs it. But who am I to deny my child this amazing opportunity? My sadness is overcome by how pleased I am in my son's decision. Mother's Day will definitely be different this year, but maybe that's a good thing.