Job Loss and Grief

Until I was in the middle of it, I didn't realize how much losing a job puts you through the same set of emotions as losing a loved one. Having lost both of my parents, all grandparents, and some other very dear people, I am all too familiar with the process of grieving.

That first little bit where I was doing okay with everything? That's what we call denial, kids. Reality hadn't really sunk in and I was more concerned with making everyone else feel better. Sometimes I think I would like to move to the State of Denial permanently...

Depression was the next stage to hit me. It quite literally hit me...hard! After two weeks of taking it all pretty much in stride, I found myself wanting to stay in bed forever and hide from the world. There was no hope that I could see and I would never be worth anything. If "they" didn't want me, why would anyone else want me? What if I never get a job and we lose our house? I had almost completely given up.

That depression turned to anger as I started questioning everything and trying to find someone or something to blame for my situation. Getting mad at my former boss and employer was the easiest, so I started to get worked up and wanted to demand more of an explanation of what was so "wrong" with me that they would let me go. This was as normal and as fruitless as when I was mad at my mom for dying and leaving me. Some things just happen and there's no real blame to be had.  Still, it's human nature to try to turn it into some sort of logical game of cause and effect.

Where am I now?  I'm kind of all over the place.  I'm not as positive as I was, but I'm not as down anymore. I guess I could be hitting the bargaining stage since I keep wondering what I could do to get my job back. If I took less money or switched to a different position.....or maybe I could make a bargain with God....  It's all just an attempt to control something that feels so out of control.

I'm pretty sure I'm not very close to acceptance yet. You may be thinking that acceptance will come once I get a new job. That's not necessarily true. I've known people who have struggled with this for quite some time, despite getting another job. When I lost my mom, it took me a good three years before I could truly deal with it. I still miss her and want her back in my life, but it doesn't cause the same difficult feelings it used to. My job at Heritage was more than a job. I was working for a cause that I believed in and I had imagined being there for a very, very long time. The loss still hurts and I don't know when it will fade.

My biggest advice that I would give anyone going through a loss of any kind is to keep in touch with people and don't hide yourself away. We all need a good support system to deal with any crisis. Friends, family, and clergy can help you get through it. I have been incredibly blessed with people supporting me. Even my youngest son has noticed those tough moments when he can tell that I need a hug. Sometimes that's all you need.

The Rollercoaster of Emotions

People have been complimenting me on my positive attitude about being "in between jobs." The majority of my Facebook posts have been really upbeat and when I talk to people, I keep things happy and uplifting. Is that the real me? Well....yes and no.

Me and my "homies" for Halloween

Am I really that positive and happy?  Yes, I am.  As I go through my resume and reflect on all that I accomplished at Heritage, I feel so much better about myself. How could I possibly be disappointed with helping kids change their lives, bringing in grants and donations, putting on successful fundraisers, and raising enough money to build that amazing performing arts center? I helped my coworkers learn new skills and I took the time to learn about the work they did. Taking on the design work for marketing materials and invitations, learning to do the EEO reports, and creating the wellness program saved the company money so it could be used to help the kids.

So where does the no come in? I've had my down moments. I am human, after all. Days are blending into each other and I miss having the routine of having a job. I miss my coworkers and it's so hard to hear about my office getting repainted and how auditions went and knowing that Heritage can go on without me. Finding a good spot at home to work on the job search seems impossible. Where will I go next? How long will I be in limbo like this?  It really gets to you sometimes.

This morning I went from really happy as I talked to my best friend to arguing with the man I love because I was frustrated with finding my own space so I could focus. I KNOW I will find a wonderful adventure that makes great use of my skills and abilities.  In the meantime, I will be working hard and praying hard and will refrain from sharing the darker thoughts that occasionally pop into my head.

Testing My Personality

When I returned to college a few years ago, I learned one of the most important lessons about work. How much you enjoy your job is a better indicator of success than how skilled you are. This made a lot of sense when my oldest son with an aptitude for math, science, computers, and all things analytical chose to go to culinary school. Just because you know how to do something doesn't mean it will bring you happiness and fulfillment.

Instead of an aptitude test, we did exercises that explored our personality types and invited input from others on what kinds of activities made us happy. I learned that I am blue and red (Color Code) and my strong areas are creative production, counseling and mentoring, application of technology, and managing people (Careerleader). I took a new type of evaluation, the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, and was categorized as ESFJ, a guardian and provider.

It's very invigorating to do these kinds of activities. Some of the descriptions of my score described me much better than I could on my own. Knowing that I am social, loyal, great at managing and organizing, and motivated by helping people is a step toward figuring out what jobs will work for me. Money doesn't motivate me (although I like it a lot). Monotonous jobs without challenges are also not a good fit for me.

Knowing my skills, abilities, and personality traits helps me as I look at job openings. I found several already that look good and others that have duties I wouldn't enjoy. Another resource for assessing your career interests can be found at Utah Futures. If you're searching for a job or unhappy with your present job, this is a great tool to point you in the right direction.

Life Threw Me a Curveball

Life has thrown another adventure my way. After ten years of working at Heritage School, I was laid off. It was a complete surprise, especially considering when past layoffs were made I was always reassured that my productivity and ability to do such a wide variety of things would keep me safe. I owe my parents a debt of gratitude for teaching me to have a good work ethic and to make myself invaluable. Still...change happens and we must deal with it.

All the appropriate emotions have hit me. I admit that anger and bitterness have had their moments. After all, how can they make it without someone as amazing as me working there? Tomorrow will mark one week of being eliminated and they seem to be making it just fine. That leads me to depression. The day after the layoff, a dear friend passed away. Last week was just not a happy one for me.  It was hard to go online and clearly see that I had been removed from the Facebook page and blog I created for them.

Surprisingly, I actually handled things fairly well. When I was being told I was losing my job, I alternated between tears and trying to figure out how to make the transition easier for the company. Dramatic news like this normally freaks me out and I totally lose it. This time, I felt a calmness and peace that was hard to explain. As I cleaned out my office, I joked with coworkers. I really felt a sense of hope for what the future might bring.

Because I had finally made it to a more administrative position, I was worried about finding another job that would fit me and pay enough to keep our family going. I started meeting with an outplacement coach to help me with this. He is a global partner with Lee Hecht Harrison and has oodles of experience in helping people not only find a new job, but to find one that fits them well.  Searching for a job is now my new full-time job. On Amazon, I found an earlier version of the book I am using for my job search.  I'm sure at least a few things have changed in the last eight years, but the basic principles should still apply. 
So far, I have determined that the ideal positions for me are in this area:  project manager, communications manager, media relations manager, academic coordinator, staff development educator, employee trainer, or events and communications manager.  My experience is in development (fundraising), marketing, public relations, and social media management.

Follow me as I continue on this journey.  I'll also share some things I learned from a book my hubby gave me. That book helped me tremendously and is part of why I was able to handle all this so well.

Art You Can Appreciate

Growing up as the daughter of an artist, I guess I have always been open to art and appreciate it at every level. My dad did oil painting most of the time I was growing up, but also dabbled in pen and ink. What he taught me was to see the beauty of not only the painting itself, but to see the beauty of the subject matter, medium used, techniques, etc.

Have you ever noticed the brush strokes in a painting or considered the thickness of an oil paint versus and airiness of watercolor? When I look at Native American regalia, I love to see the choice of colors used, the style (modern or traditional), and the various personal touches incorporated. Appreciating art should involve more than just looking and saying "oh, that's pretty."

While wandering online, I found the most amazing art exhibit that started with a room and furnishings painted completely white. For two weeks, children visiting the museum were give colorful stickers to place in/on the exhibit. Check out the article to see the transformation and the final result.

I created some art of my own this week.  My creative project this year is to do a tatting themed calendar that can be printed or used as a computer background. My calendar for January is now up on my Etsy Madness blog. Time to start creating for February's calendar.

It Feels Great to Be Appreciated

It's so easy to be like Eeyore - seeing the glum side of everything. Feeling unappreciated can become a way of life and staying in that rut will make you miserable.

I've had the privilege of working with at-risk youth in a performing arts program for over ten years now and I've seen how a little appreciation goes a long way.  The accompanist for our musical productions used to write a note to each student in the show, letting them know what a great job they did. When we ended up having 50-70 students in a show, she wasn't able to keep up with that tradition.

When we finished our performing arts center and I started working backstage, I decided to start writing notes to the cast members. On closing night, I leave an envelope for each of them in the dressing room. In my note, I mention their improvements, their individual talents, and anything else I noticed about that student. Several students have told me that those notes meant a lot to them and I often hear that the students have kept the notes tucked away. Their appreciation keeps me doing this for each show.

Imagine my surprise when I came in to work one morning and found this lovely note on my office door. One of the students who received notes from me in several shows returned the favor by letting me know I was awesome. It really made my day and I still cherish that little endorsement.

Let's take the time to let the people around us know that they are appreciated. Let them know what they're doing well or doing right. You never know whose life will be changed with that little boost.

I Love Exchanges!

Tatted ornaments from Barbara

As I took some time off from work, I had a chance to go through all my tatting patterns and supplies. I found an old envelope from an exchange done many years ago. It was organized in an online forum, but it was well before the days of social media communities. We exchanged stationery that had some tatted element. Each person in the exchange sent twelve items to the organizer and we received an envelope with a sample of each person's work. There were cards, postcards, and sheets of stationery. Some had simple tatted motifs and others were fancier.

The ornaments I tatted

This Christmas, I participated in a tatted ornament exchange. It was set up through a tatters group on Facebook. Each of us was given the name and address of another tatter to send an ornament to. I received a red and white candy cane and silvery tree from Barbara. The organizer of the exchange also sent me a cute little tatted wreath.

For Nancy, I tatted an Asian style tree and tatted over a small glass ball ornament. We all posted photos on Facebook of the ornaments we received. It was fun to see the variety.

Exchanges like these are such a fun way to develop friendships and share talents. I've seen several different types of exchanges:

• Cookies
• Ornaments
• Small gifts
• Pins
• Patches

What kinds of exchanges have you participated in?