Feel Good Friday - Aphantasia

It might seem weird to be happy about finding out you having something wrong with you, but it is so freeing to put a name to a condition that has bothered you for decades. Last year I signed up with one of the DNA testing companies to do some research on bipolar disorder. My reward was getting the DNA test for free (It was total confirmation of how incredibly white I am - no surprises) in exchange for participating in some surveys. I take new surveys every few weeks and they look at what genetic traits match up with different things.

The survey I took today asked if I had "aphantasia." I had never heard that term so I quickly Googled it. My jaw dropped as I read the description and realized that I do have aphantasia.

 

Aphantasia is the inability to mentally visualize things. It seems to run on a spectrum. Some people can't mentally recall any kind of senses (vision, sound, touch, taste, smell), while others lack the mental visualization but can imagine other senses at some level. I can imagine some people's voices and some music and other sounds, but the rest is blank for me.

Why does this make me happy? I am married to a person who is very descriptive when he gives directions, tells stories, etc. I have the worst time trying to follow what he is saying because I can't come up with the mental imagery that he does. "You know that road over there? If you go past the church and two houses down, it's by that tree in the front yard." WHAT? I'm totally focused on the words he is saying and quickly getting lost. I kept thinking that I wasn't trying hard enough or I was somehow doing something wrong.

To put a name to this feels like someone gave me a big hug and said, "You're not crazy. It's just something your brain can't do. Relax." And I'm not alone in this. I keep looking up aphantasia and following Twitter conversations to learn more.

Research is in its early stages so nobody knows what causes it. I'm certain it's nothing that can be "cured." But at least now I know to ask people to draw things out, show me pictures, etc. so I can keep up. And I've also learned a cool new word!