Job Loss and Grief

Until I was in the middle of it, I didn't realize how much losing a job puts you through the same set of emotions as losing a loved one. Having lost both of my parents, all grandparents, and some other very dear people, I am all too familiar with the process of grieving.

That first little bit where I was doing okay with everything? That's what we call denial, kids. Reality hadn't really sunk in and I was more concerned with making everyone else feel better. Sometimes I think I would like to move to the State of Denial permanently...

Depression was the next stage to hit me. It quite literally hit me...hard! After two weeks of taking it all pretty much in stride, I found myself wanting to stay in bed forever and hide from the world. There was no hope that I could see and I would never be worth anything. If "they" didn't want me, why would anyone else want me? What if I never get a job and we lose our house? I had almost completely given up.

That depression turned to anger as I started questioning everything and trying to find someone or something to blame for my situation. Getting mad at my former boss and employer was the easiest, so I started to get worked up and wanted to demand more of an explanation of what was so "wrong" with me that they would let me go. This was as normal and as fruitless as when I was mad at my mom for dying and leaving me. Some things just happen and there's no real blame to be had.  Still, it's human nature to try to turn it into some sort of logical game of cause and effect.

Where am I now?  I'm kind of all over the place.  I'm not as positive as I was, but I'm not as down anymore. I guess I could be hitting the bargaining stage since I keep wondering what I could do to get my job back. If I took less money or switched to a different position.....or maybe I could make a bargain with God....  It's all just an attempt to control something that feels so out of control.

I'm pretty sure I'm not very close to acceptance yet. You may be thinking that acceptance will come once I get a new job. That's not necessarily true. I've known people who have struggled with this for quite some time, despite getting another job. When I lost my mom, it took me a good three years before I could truly deal with it. I still miss her and want her back in my life, but it doesn't cause the same difficult feelings it used to. My job at Heritage was more than a job. I was working for a cause that I believed in and I had imagined being there for a very, very long time. The loss still hurts and I don't know when it will fade.

My biggest advice that I would give anyone going through a loss of any kind is to keep in touch with people and don't hide yourself away. We all need a good support system to deal with any crisis. Friends, family, and clergy can help you get through it. I have been incredibly blessed with people supporting me. Even my youngest son has noticed those tough moments when he can tell that I need a hug. Sometimes that's all you need.