Feel Good Friday - Beyond the Panic

Panic and anxiety has been a regular part of my life for as long as I can remember. I'm sure it is part of my bipolar disorder, but sometimes it seems to take on a life of its own. If you've never had a panic attack, think of how you feel when you have a near disaster. You slip and almost tumble down the mountain while hiking. You escape getting into a car accident by inches. Your baby wriggles out of your arms and falls on the floor. It is that feeling of near heart attack, but it continues on and on without relief.

Over the years I have had many opportunities for panic attacks. They usually happen when there is an unexpected change. I have a mental picture of what I think will happen, but the plan changes. For example, I used to work for a treatment center for youth and they had an amazing performing arts program. I was in charge of ticket sales and the first year where we tried assigned seating on the tickets I found that I had somehow ended up with multiple tickets for the same seat. This came to my attention when a VIP found there was already someone in their seat. After quickly finding a way to accommodate them all, I retreated to an empty room once the show started and I curled up in a ball and cried like crazy.

The first step toward getting beyond panic attacks came when I asked a coworker (a therapist) for advice. She asked me what the worst thing was about the situation I was worried about and then what the worst possible outcome would be. Then she asked me if I could deal with that. My answer was "yes" and I realized that my panic had come from the unknown. Once I identified and knew I could deal with the end result, I was able to calm down.

My current job has helped me see how far I've come. On particularly stressful days I often joke with coworkers that my mantra is to EXPECT CHAOS. I work for our local government and I'm responsible for broadcasting their meetings. I was in the middle of broadcasting a meeting this week and the whole thing shut down. I hadn't realized that the videos that were shown during part of the meeting would trigger a violation on YouTube and they would not only end our broadcast, but prevent us from starting a new one. Time to panic, right?

But I didn't panic. Sure, I wasn't happy. I scrambled to find solutions to our predicament, but I didn't have a meltdown. The world didn't end. Nobody was mad at me. As I reflected on it later, I was pretty pleased with myself. I had developed an attitude of expecting possible problems. When problems happened, I started looking for solutions. It wasn't fun, but I got through it. I definitely feel good about that!