Things You Can't UnSee

The title of this post came from a TV segment on Web Soup where they show videos that are so disturbing they will haunt you forever. I immediately thought of it as I read an article on how Facebook keeps objectionable content off their website. It seems they rely on low cost labor in other countries to scan for prohibited content. The article talks about how difficult it has been to keep employees because of the types of things they are looking at. I've experienced that and how impossible it is to erase those things from your mind.

When I was pregnant with my first kid, I started working for a press clipping service. My job was to quickly look through magazines and newspapers to find things our clients wanted. For example, a music group might want to receive copies of their concert reviews or a company could be looking for people infringing on their copyrights. Public relations agencies also like to show proof to their clients of where the press releases are running. At one point, I was assigned to what was considered one of the most productive category of publications - entertainment and alternative. This was a big deal since we had quotas to meet. Alternative included a wide variety of publications catering to various cultures - drugs, piercing, tattoos, homosexuality, nudity, etc. If you think you can imagine the things I had to read or the images I saw, multiply it by at least 10.

After a steady diet of these alternative publications during my 40 hour week, my brain was fully stocked with every conceivable obscenity and a lifetime of images that I still can't get out of my head. The worst one didn't even involve nudity, but the fact I couldn't clear my mind of it led me to ask for a different assignment. It was an advertisement for a tattoo and piercing parlor and there were two people standing face to face. Both people were sticking their tongues out and there was a metal ring connecting their pierced tongues together. I kept imagining how painful it would be if somebody tried to swallow or lost their balance. It became something I couldn't unsee.

We all get told at some point in our lives about things we shouldn't look at. Whether it came from your parents, grandparents, teachers, or church, you probably wondered just a little about how dangerous it could actually be. Wouldn't you just forget the ugliness? Seeing it for just a few seconds wouldn't change you, would it? I can tell you that it doesn't just go away. Even the obscenities you hear in music and speech come flooding back to you at the most inopportune moments. It's just not worth it. I try hard to keep control of my thoughts and language and it bugs me to have those things pop back into my head so easily.

You'll never see him the same way again

I'm not going to share any of those ugly images with you, but I can still make my point with some less objectionable, yet unforgettable pictures.

Yep, you'll always notice that from now on.

The Challenge of Minorities in Films

Viola Davis in "The Help"

Although I didn't actually watch the Oscars, I took notice of the tweets and status updates of those who were watching. I was so excited that Octavia Spencer won an Oscar for her role as Minnie in "The Help." That movie was absolutely amazing! I was fortunate as a child that my dad often talked about other ethnicities and how they were treated where he grew up in California. Without his influence, I probably wouldn't have ended up with my husband and working with so many wonderful groups. As I watched "The Help," it helped me see what he had described and yet it went beyond the expected.

When I heard that some in the Black community took offense at the film, I was baffled. They claimed that the roles portrayed by the Black actors were a step backwards for Black people. --Side note-- I prefer to use the term "Black" rather than "African American" because not all Black people are of African descent. -- I was surprised by their perception of the film since what I saw was completely different. Yes, the film showed the limits imposed on Blacks in that time period and how they were treated in such an undignified way. What impressed me was that it went beyond all that and showed how they coped with what life had dealt them - the pride in doing their jobs well, joking and telling stories with each other in private, and the tears of sorrow from being stepped on. Seeing the story from the point of view of "the help" was incredibly enlightening!

I had similar thoughts years ago when we had a chance to be extras in a Native American film. While waiting to film one day, I read the script and got a better idea of the direction the movie was going. By the time the movie opened at the Sundance Film Festival, editing had changed the direction quite a bit. Fortunately, it was for the better. But while Native Americans enjoyed the movie, I noticed that others didn't seem to get it. Say "Native American" and audiences expect to see "Dances With Wolves." They were completely unprepared to see things from a Native's point of view instead of through the White person's eyes. The humor in the film that appealed to those of us in the Native community just didn't resonate with the others in the audience. "Christmas in the Clouds" probably doesn't ring a bell for anyone who wasn't in the film, but I will always appreciate the filmmakers for the attempt.

The reality is that not everyone is interested in seeing life through someone else's eyes. That's one area where I feel particularly blessed because I want to know what other people are experiencing and how they live their lives. Even in the workplace I find myself asking people about the details of their jobs so I can understand the bigger picture and how we all work together. Open your eyes, minds, and hearts to everyone around you and to experiences different than your own and you may find your own life more fulfilling in the end.

You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

If Today Had Been A Checklist

I'm a chronic list maker and as I come to the end of this day I can't help reflecting on everything in the form of a checklist.

• Wake up
• Let the dogs out
• Email final interview answer to National MS Society's local chapter (wish me luck!)
• Check email
• Look for job listings on at least a dozen sites
• Log into LinkedIn to see message from former coworker offering me assistance with my job search
• Read CaringBridge journal entry by my former UVU professor who has cancer, has lasted four years longer than predicted, but has reached the end of his latest round of treatment with an unhappy prognosis
• Receive phone call from dear friend and former coworker and, in the process of updating her on the latest, get all pessimistic and negative
• Chat with another former coworker on Facebook, still negative about my situation
• Fix lunch - bologna sandwich
• Visit from a friend, managing to smile finally
• Check email in hopes of a job - no luck
• Walk over to Thimbles & Threads to visit with another friend, managing finally to get myself into a better mood
• Walk home and start fixing dinner
• Walk over to the church and help with weekly cleaning effort
• Head home
• Call the friend I talked to this morning to apologize for my negativity

When I looked back at my day, I felt bad about being so negative. I don't want to push my friends away, but I seem to just unload when I get a chance to talk to someone. On the positive side, I'm still making good connections, still in the running for an awesome job, and I got some walking in. I was also able to give back to my church and that felt good. When you're feeling the most empty and the most down, that is the best time to volunteer to help others. Focusing on something besides your own troubles is crucial to finding joy in life again.

Act of Valor

My hubby is a man who loves to go to the movies. I'm not exactly sure why he likes it so much, but he does. He will often ask me if I want to go with him. Unless it's a movie I really want to see, I tend to feel like it's wasted money and I tell him "no." The look of disappointment on his face always makes me feel bad. This weekend, he tried a new tactic. "Want to go get popcorn with me?" he asked. This time I just couldn't turn him down.

We went to see "Act of Valor." It's a movie that incorporates real Navy Seals doing the type of work they do, but fictionalized to protect national security. There are actors in the movie, but real Navy Seals (identified only by first names) play the roles of the Navy Seals.

Part of my interest in this movie was because one of my brothers is in the Air Force. When he was deployed to Afghanistan for six months, I spent every day wondering how he was doing. He kept us as updated as he could and I learned that the view from inside the military efforts was wildly different from what we hear in media reports.

I underestimated the emotional impact of this movie. Maybe it was just because of my connection to the military. Still, I heard a lot of sniffles around the end of the movie and it wasn't just the ladies getting emotional.  For those who like to sit back in their comfortable living rooms and protest "the war," claiming that our military shouldn't be overseas, GO SEE THIS MOVIE! Remember that our soldiers are actual people trying to do their jobs and protect our country. The motives and goals are much more complicated than protests that claim the fight is for oil.

One of the things I really enjoyed about "Act of Valor" was how the Seals talked. I get tired of over-the-top acting and rally speeches people shouldn't have time for when they're under fire. The way the Seals talked reminded me of how my brother talks when he describes stuff in his military jargon. Information is shared; instructions are given. No cries of "Kill them all!" and no speeches that remind you of a political candidate.  I'm glad I didn't check out the movie reviews before I went. They all criticize the acting as "flat." I guess after being exposed to "Rambo" movies and the constant overacting and exaggeration of reality television, watching soldiers skilfully do their jobs probably seems lackluster.

Watching "Act of Valor" may be our only chance to see the reality of being a Navy Seal. I don't know how my sister-in-law copes with being a military wife, letting her husband go and hoping he will return in six months. She's as much of a hero as my brother is. I remember how my brother once explained that his wife thinks of him as her "Air Force Ken doll," looking good in a uniform but not doing anything dangerous. I couldn't resist that comment and I managed to find an actual Air Force Ken to give her.  When a friend's son deployed to the most dangerous area of Afghanistan a year ago, I saw the anguish he went through. In the first two weeks in Afghanistan, his military unit had a dozen deaths and many injuries. They were unable to communicate regularly with their families, making the worry even more intense.

I share this because I see people protesting and using catchy slogans without having any personal connection. Until you have experience with the military, I don't think you can fully appreciate what they go through. War/combat is ugly and mistakes do happen. It has always been that way, but modern times have brought us more instant news coverage. We have to remember that the soldiers themselves are doing the best they can with the instructions they're given and the knowledge available at the moment. I am eternally grateful for the many sacrifices they're making on my behalf.

Talk About Mood Swings!

I'm fighting hard to stay positive, but this has been a huge struggle. How can I feel "normal" when everything feels so off? There are so many things I miss:

• Feeling a sense of purpose
• Hanging out with people
• Having somewhere to be every day
• Talking about stuff, even silly stuff
• Helping people figure out copy machines and the mysteries of Microsoft Word
• Having a regular schedule
• Feeling important and needed
• Being challenged with new problems and projects
• Juggling a calendar full of events and deadlines

I don't want to turn this into a pity party, but this is my reality right now. Not everything is depressing. I'm still waiting to hear about a job I'm dying to get and continuing to apply for more jobs. Everyone else seems sure I will find something great. I'm just impatient and want it to happen now.

Adventures in Interviewing

I'm pretty sure most people get nervous about being interviewed for a potential job. It's easy to over-think your answers and seem like you're acting. Getting an unexpected question seems to erase your memory and you find yourself fumbling for an answer of any kind. In my experience interviewing others, I always do what I can to try to put them at ease.

My first job interview during this job search adventure went reasonably well.  I felt like I had prepared for the usual questions for the type of job and had good stories to draw from. There were a few questions that I later wished I had answered better, so writing the post-interview thank you letters allowed me to clarify my answers. Once I delivered the letters in person, I was pretty hopeful that I would make it to the final interview round. Seeing the rejection email show up sent me into a bit of shock and I gave into crying again.

Part of what pulled me out of the job rejection blues was that I already had another job interview lined up. A friend had told me about this particular opening and it would have me working more closely with people in need. That's the kind of thing I'm passionate about, so I was excited by the time I arrived for the interview. While waiting, I was able to look over the interview questions, but I already found myself struggling to think of answers. Once in the interview, more of my brain seemed to freeze. I walked out of there wondering what had happened. I wasn't my usual self at all. More than a week has gone by and I haven't heard back. I'm pretty sure I blew that opportunity.

One of my blogging friends was kind enough to try to cheer me up by sharing an interview disaster story of her own. She even dedicated her blog post to me (I'm so honored!). It made me laugh and put me at ease about my own missteps.

This past Thursday, I had an interview for a great position and I was determined not to mess it up. Fortunately, the interviewer had a more conversational approach and she was the only interviewer. (The previous ones had been panels of three or four people.) The position was with the National Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Society, a cause I am passionate about because of my mom's struggles with MS. The real me was there this time and my brain was fully functional - yippee!  I walked out of that interview with a smile on my face and a skip in my step (literally). In my excitement, I made sure to get my thank you letter written and in the mail by the time I went to bed. Delivering in person would have been better, but transportation issues prevented it. Now it's time to wait for an answer...

Getting Some Help From My Online Sistas

Even though I'm an information junkie, I definitely don't know it all. Well before launching into my job search project, I discovered some great women out there in the bloggerverse who provided some much needed resources. Since I consult their blogs regularly, I thought I should share them with you as well.

The Work at Home Wife focuses on showing you how to make money from home. No scams for envelope stuffing here (I actually got taken by one of those my first year of college). Angie Nelson shares a variety of ideas on ways to make money from home and gives some valuable guidelines for those areas. I love that she is a Virtual Assistant and it sounds like something I'd like to do some day.

Classy Career Girl

Besides having an awesome title, Classy Career Girl is a wealth of career advice for professional women. It says it's for young professional women, but I don't feel like I'm too old to benefit from it. For someone like me who struggle with girly stuff like fashion and makeup, this site is a blessing with all the visuals on wardrobe, hair, and more.

-found this on Facebook

The biggest and most wonderful thing I've found online is fairly instant support from friends, family, and others on Facebook and Twitter. I love how the miles that separate us disappear and friends from my home town in Oregon, relatives in several different states, and even friends in other countries are able to see how I'm doing and cheer me on. They've picked me up when I was down, made me laugh, commiserated over the unfairness of it all, and inspired me to keep going. Because of you, all of you out there, I am making it through this giant challenge. Thank you!