Feel Good Friday - Aphantasia

It might seem weird to be happy about finding out you having something wrong with you, but it is so freeing to put a name to a condition that has bothered you for decades. Last year I signed up with one of the DNA testing companies to do some research on bipolar disorder. My reward was getting the DNA test for free (It was total confirmation of how incredibly white I am - no surprises) in exchange for participating in some surveys. I take new surveys every few weeks and they look at what genetic traits match up with different things.

The survey I took today asked if I had "aphantasia." I had never heard that term so I quickly Googled it. My jaw dropped as I read the description and realized that I do have aphantasia.

 

Aphantasia is the inability to mentally visualize things. It seems to run on a spectrum. Some people can't mentally recall any kind of senses (vision, sound, touch, taste, smell), while others lack the mental visualization but can imagine other senses at some level. I can imagine some people's voices and some music and other sounds, but the rest is blank for me.

Why does this make me happy? I am married to a person who is very descriptive when he gives directions, tells stories, etc. I have the worst time trying to follow what he is saying because I can't come up with the mental imagery that he does. "You know that road over there? If you go past the church and two houses down, it's by that tree in the front yard." WHAT? I'm totally focused on the words he is saying and quickly getting lost. I kept thinking that I wasn't trying hard enough or I was somehow doing something wrong.

To put a name to this feels like someone gave me a big hug and said, "You're not crazy. It's just something your brain can't do. Relax." And I'm not alone in this. I keep looking up aphantasia and following Twitter conversations to learn more.

Research is in its early stages so nobody knows what causes it. I'm certain it's nothing that can be "cured." But at least now I know to ask people to draw things out, show me pictures, etc. so I can keep up. And I've also learned a cool new word!

Feel Good Friday - Beyond the Panic

Panic and anxiety has been a regular part of my life for as long as I can remember. I'm sure it is part of my bipolar disorder, but sometimes it seems to take on a life of its own. If you've never had a panic attack, think of how you feel when you have a near disaster. You slip and almost tumble down the mountain while hiking. You escape getting into a car accident by inches. Your baby wriggles out of your arms and falls on the floor. It is that feeling of near heart attack, but it continues on and on without relief.

Over the years I have had many opportunities for panic attacks. They usually happen when there is an unexpected change. I have a mental picture of what I think will happen, but the plan changes. For example, I used to work for a treatment center for youth and they had an amazing performing arts program. I was in charge of ticket sales and the first year where we tried assigned seating on the tickets I found that I had somehow ended up with multiple tickets for the same seat. This came to my attention when a VIP found there was already someone in their seat. After quickly finding a way to accommodate them all, I retreated to an empty room once the show started and I curled up in a ball and cried like crazy.

The first step toward getting beyond panic attacks came when I asked a coworker (a therapist) for advice. She asked me what the worst thing was about the situation I was worried about and then what the worst possible outcome would be. Then she asked me if I could deal with that. My answer was "yes" and I realized that my panic had come from the unknown. Once I identified and knew I could deal with the end result, I was able to calm down.

My current job has helped me see how far I've come. On particularly stressful days I often joke with coworkers that my mantra is to EXPECT CHAOS. I work for our local government and I'm responsible for broadcasting their meetings. I was in the middle of broadcasting a meeting this week and the whole thing shut down. I hadn't realized that the videos that were shown during part of the meeting would trigger a violation on YouTube and they would not only end our broadcast, but prevent us from starting a new one. Time to panic, right?

But I didn't panic. Sure, I wasn't happy. I scrambled to find solutions to our predicament, but I didn't have a meltdown. The world didn't end. Nobody was mad at me. As I reflected on it later, I was pretty pleased with myself. I had developed an attitude of expecting possible problems. When problems happened, I started looking for solutions. It wasn't fun, but I got through it. I definitely feel good about that!

Feel Good Friday - The Beginning

My daughter had been doing a regular blog post that she called "Frustration Friday." The idea was to get those gripes out of her system and move on. The reality is that focusing on the negative has consequences. She reached out to friends and family for alternative ideas for a regular blog post and I suggested "Feel Good Friday." After explaining it to her I decided that I should take my own advice.

I've decided to take the time each Friday to reflect on something positive. It could be something that made me feel good or something that makes people feel good in general. It doesn't have to be anything big or involve a long story. This is all about feeling good.

For my first Feel Good Friday, I'm reflecting on a code my best friend has with me. She no longer lives close to me, but she visits fairly often. If she reaches out to me and mentions PIE, I know its time for us to get together for a late night chat. We head to a specific restaurant that has late hours and hang out for a few hours chatting and eating. It started as going out to get some pie, talk, and decompress. Even though we didn't always have a slice of pie, the code word remained. That one simple word brings a smile to my face. It means I get to hang out with my bestie. We laugh. We gripe. We boost each other in a way that sends us home feeling great and ready to tackle the world again.

If you were to establish a code word to get away with your bestie, what would it be?

Translation, Please

The last time I had a job interview I mentioned that one of my talents was "translating." I wasn't referring to translating from one language to another. Well, not exactly. What I seem to be able to translate has to do with different cultures. That could be different ethnic cultures or different societal cultures.

When my children were younger I was often asked to narrate the performances our group would do. I understood my husband's Native American culture and was able to explain it in terms that non-Native audiences could understand. One of the more frequently asked questions was, "Do the colors you're wearing mean anything?" I knew that it was common for Scout groups, youth camps, and others to associate certain colors with qualities (courage, service, purity) or things (trees, water, fire). Knowing this I would then explain that the color choices in the dancer's regalia were personal to them and often determined by family, personal preference, or even a visionary dream.

I think the toughest lesson in "translation" that I learned was when my mom died. People expressed their support and sympathy by saying, "she's in a better place now," "God must have needed her with him," "there's a reason for everything," or "God never gives us more than we can handle." I wanted to scream and cry and tell them, "I DON"T CARE! I just want my mom back with me!!" As tough as it was for me to process, I knew that these people were not trying to hurt me. They cared and they wanted to show their support for me, but they didn't really know how to do it. Eventually I was able to mentally hear "I'm so sorry you're going through this" whenever someone made an attempt to reach out to me.

Parents often struggle to translate what their children are saying. "I hate you!" can be code for "I hate these rules you're making me follow." Even in the workplace there may be times where a coworker lashes out. For several years I battled one particular person at work. We seemed to step on each other's toes on a regular basis and had very different views and opinions on things. What I eventually figured out was that there were times she felt her value/importance at work was in jeopardy. I also noticed that we shared a lot of qualities - like attention to detail - that led to some of our clashes. By the time we stopped working together we had found a way to actually be friends.

Most recently, I watched as a friend struggled with health problems that led to a tough decision. When she opened up about it and posted on social media, messages of support and sympathy started coming in. And so did questions on whether she had tried this treatment or that as well as plenty of advice. I was a little surprised that her reaction to this was as negative as it was and that family members even jumped in to attack those who had offered the unsolicited advice. That's when I realized that translation was needed here. Friends were at a loss for how to help someone they cared so much about and all they could think to do was to try to find ways to fix the situation. They didn't think they were smarter than the doctors or think that she hadn't tried every possible remedy. This was their way of saying, "I'm so sorry this is happening to you."

Would it be easier if we could read each other's minds? Probably not. Part of the problem is that sometimes we don't really know what we want to say and the first thing we do say ends up coming out all wrong. I may do well with translating between Native Americans and non-Natives or between Millennials and GenX, but the struggle continues with the more emotional messages. Next time you find yourself in a tough argument, see if you can figure out what the other person is really trying to say.

Continuing on the Roller Coaster of Life

I just realized it has been two years since I posted to this blog. The main reason for the long break is that I've been busy doing social media and blogging in my job and I'm honestly too drained to do this stuff for myself.

More job changes, but I'm working within walking distance of my house and it's a job that feels like a perfect fit. For almost two years I have been the community relations coordinator for the Provo City Council. My responsibilities include handling communications for the Council and coordinating Provo's Neighborhood Program. Working in government is very, very different, but I love the challenge...and it's a constant challenge. Ironically, my mom spent most of her career working for a city government.

The way I see it, most of what I do is to "translate." Government news isn't always easy to understand so I work to de-jargon information and put it in terms the average person can understand. I also help the Council to reach more people by using Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc. This is still a fairly new way for government to communicate but it's going well. I'm also helping our citizens to communicate with the Council so their needs are heard. A real highlight so far is that a coworker and I presented at the Government Social Media Conference earlier this year.

My hubby has also been going through changes and challenges at work. So grateful we work as a team and manage all this craziness together. I've enjoyed being there to support his coaching efforts in football and softball. We anticipate continuing challenges, but we can take it.

The most dramatic news - our baby boy got married. He's now married to a girl who grew up just one block away. They've known each other most of their lives and developed a great friendship. The wedding incorporated our Navajo heritage with the bride's love of the outdoors. We love having a daughter in our family and it's a bonus that we already know her family well.

Life without kids in the house is different. There are a lot of nice things - less trash, less food, less noise, more privacy. We do miss them a lot and regularly text/message them to see what's going on. Denver Broncos games bring them over so we can all watch together. And we sometimes go out to lunch or a movie. This will probably be the routine until one of them decides to move farther away. Seeing nieces and nephews often makes me miss the adventures of having young children around.

The ups and downs don't surprise me too much anymore. That's life. To be expected. I see it as yet another challenge and tackle it as best I can. Is this what it means to be grown up? Am I finally mature enough to let most craziness roll over me instead of knocking me over? Guess so.

Inspired Guns DVD Giveaway

Maple Mountain Communications has given me an opportunity to do a little giveaway.  You could win a DVD of the newly released movie Inspired Guns.

This film is another in the Mormon movie genre. There are a few in this genre that I've loved, mostly the more serious films like Charly, The Other Side of Heaven, and The Best Two Years. I haven't seen many of the comedies and this movie fits that category best.

Inspired Guns is a comedy of errors involving LDS missionaries, the mafia, and the FBI. Check out the press release for details on the cast and the background of this movie.

Want your own copy? Enter our giveaway now.

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I'm Still a Mom

It has been nearly a year since our boys moved out of the house. It was kind of lonely at first and it seemed like we usually had to be the ones to reach out if we wanted to hear from them. They only moved to the next city over, a quick 10-minute drive down the road, but our paths stopped crossing.

Even though it took some getting used to, we were happy to have a little more room in the house and our activities as a couple were improving. We were entering a new phase in our lives as parents.

Now that the boys have experienced living on their own and paying their own bills, we get the occasional text or phone call. They'll ask for help or advice. Sometimes they just need someone to talk to. Other times we end up helping mediate their arguments.

I have to be honest that I've enjoyed those moments where they still needed their mom or dad. Even better are the times when they realize that something we tried teaching them was true. We don't have the means to be able to rescue them from every situation. Job losses, cars breaking down, and mounting debts are all things that we've all had to deal with at one time or another. I'm glad my dear boys still come to me for help or comfort and that I get to be a mom on a whole new level.