Sunday, March 2, 2014

Birthday Memories

Birthdays are a funny thing. As a kid you get excited because you can't wait to get older. For a short period of time in your early adult years your birthday is a opportunity to have fun and you're not as concerned with age. At some point, you start to dread getting older and birthdays don't seem as fun.

Growing up poor meant we didn't do much for birthdays in our family. I do remember having a party for my birthday one time in all those years. Several school friends came over and I felt really special until my dad embarrassed me in front of everyone. He had a toy he was playing with - a battery operated helicopter attached by wire to a controller. All it could really do was go up or down based on running the propeller. Dad thought it would be fun to land it on my head during the birthday party. The helicopter landed gently on the top of my head and proceeded to start wrapping my hair around the propeller. You can imagine the rest...

Other than that one very interesting attempt at a party, the rest of the birthdays in our house were pretty low key. The birthday kid always got to choose their cake flavor. I always picked cherry chip cake with chocolate frosting. We also had a say in what we ate for dinner. Mom finally got tired of me always asking for chicken Kiev so she later limited what we could choose. I just liked being special for one day a year.

I was so sure that everyone else had better birthdays than I did. Imagine my surprise when I got married and found that my husband's family wasn't terribly different in how they celebrated. Any event in a Navajo family is celebrated with food. Birthdays for them were a great excuse to bring the family together. It was more than just dinner, though, and ended up being the type of family celebration that was better than decorations and presents.

With my own kids I tried to do the parties. We had some fun here and there and I even organized one heck of a Magic the Gathering party with a mini tournament and kids designing their own Magic cards. In the end it really wasn't my thing. The parties I still like the most are the big birthday cookouts with my husband's family and the gatherings at work where everyone just swaps stories.

Today is my husband's birthday and I'm sure he wishes he could be back home, having a big family cookout. I'm doing my best to make this a great birthday for him. Spam and eggs for breakfast, gifts both practical and fun, and then Navajo (or White Chick) tacos for dinner. Just spending the day together has been fun already.

What are your favorite birthday memories?

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christmas Traditions

Christmas seems to be such a time for traditions. As a child I never thought too much about the traditions in my own family. Reflecting back on my childhood Christmases and what traditions we keep going in our family now has been a lot of fun this year.

The anticipation of opening our presents was tough and Dad made it tougher. We had to wake up everyone first and Dad insisted we eat breakfast before going over to the tree. Sometimes we were worried whether Santa made it to our house or not since Dad would make a big show of stoking up the fire in the fireplace and tell us that there was no way Santa was getting into our house.

Stockings were opened first and always had an apple or orange, peanuts, and candy (Whitman's sampler and Lifesavers storybook box). Then there would be small toys, jewelry, makeup, socks, and other trinkets. For many years we got a Toblerone candy bar. My poor mom always seemed to have cooking utensils in her stocking and Dad had us kids convinced that all Mom ever wanted was cooking stuff.

After we opened presents, we got ready to go to Grandma and Grandpa's house. That involved a two-hour drive but it was worth it. We loved playing with our cousins and Grandma not only made a great dinner but wonderful pies and cookies for all. My sister, Kathy, and I would play Christmas songs by Alvin and the Chipmunks, singing and dancing along, taking over the living room. All of the kids would slide down the stairs and play games that modern kids couldn't imagine (no electronics involved).

Getting married led to some new traditions. The biggest one was attending midnight mass. My husband was raised Catholic and that was a big part of his family's Christmas traditions. It was wonderful to spend the first moments of Christmas Day celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. As the years went by it was our way of feeling like we could still be with our family even though we were far away. All of us were at mass at the same time, no matter where we were.

Some traditions changed since we rarely had a chance to travel the long distances to be with family and because we were merging two different backgrounds.  I love knowing the stories behind our ornaments and insist on being the only one to put certain precious ornaments on the tree. I was used to significant presents being under the tree but I married someone who likes to put some of the best presents in or next to the stockings. We also took on his family's tradition of seeing a movie on Christmas Day. As we get closer to Christmas we get excited about picking out what movie we will save for that day. We used to light candles on the Advent wreath but lately we haven't managed to get our Christmas stuff out of storage in time to do it.

I hadn't thought much about what our own children would enjoy in our traditions. They started bringing girlfriends along to midnight mass. Our oldest mentioned last week how much he looked forward to packs of cards in his stocking. From Pokemon to Yu-Gi-Oh to Magic cards. "It's like the Christmas lottery!" It's so different having our kids out of the house now and waiting for them to come over so we can open presents. Some day we will be watching them develop their own Christmas traditions.

What are the Christmas traditions you look forward to?

Friday, December 20, 2013

The Power of Connections

In my work for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society we have come to focus on CONNECTIONS. Multiple sclerosis (MS) destroys connections in the nervous system and we believe that we can make connections that will kill MS. People connect to others to raise funds for new research or to educate or even to create friendships that help them cope with the disease.

It didn't take long before I started to see how connections were playing a part in so many areas of my life. When I was first plunged into searching for a new job in early 2012 I worked with a job coach who emphasized how important it was to network (use connections) to discover job opportunities. Most employers I've worked for are more likely to hire someone who is recommended by a current employee and sometimes the employee can give you a "heads up" on positions that are opening up soon.

The last couple of months have provided our family with some challenges and emergencies. In nearly every instance the power of connections came to the rescue. My daily commute of 50 miles each way was taking a toll on my car and the motor on the heater fan went out. I was facing a large repair bill that we couldn't absorb. Fortunately, I had reconnected at our Bike MS event with a great guy who used to work for our favorite mechanic. I asked him for recommendations on a reliable and affordable mechanic and he connected me to someone who fixed the car at a price we could handle.

The freezing cold temperatures did a number on our backyard faucet. The pipe cracked and water was spraying all over. Every plumber we called was overbooked already and they estimated the job would be at least $300. There goes Christmas! We are blessed to have a guy in our neighborhood who can fix pretty much anything. Our sons came over to help us out and called our neighborhood hero as well.  By the end of the night we were able to get the pipe replaced and have running water (without leaks) again.

My latest set of connections ended in the most fun I've ever had at a job interview. It all started with a dental emergency. I have an unhappy history with dentists and generally find them terrifying, but with a broken tooth developing an abscess there was no way to avoid seeing one. My hubby got a recommendation from a coworker for the dentist that has sponsored the football team he coaches. That connection helped me to get in for an appointment right away. The dentist turned out to be really great but I was also facing a lot of work to fix my dental problems. I found myself overwhelmed by everything that needed to be done and the cost of it all and started falling apart. That's when the dentist offered us some different options and slowed everything down so I could calm down. He was like no other dentist I had ever met. When I got home I checked out his website and Facebook page and saw that he had a great relationship with his patients. Reading through the posts and seeing how he and his office interacted with all these families showed me that he was definitely the dentist for me. How does this end up in a job interview? Today I had a job interview with a company that helps dental practices get their social media started. During the interview I mentioned my great new dentist and how impressed I was with his Facebook page. That's when I found out that my dentist was one of their clients! I felt so comfortable in that interview and my experience with my dentist let me see what a wonderful job this was.

These are just a few of the examples. Just connecting with friends on Facebook led to me getting tickets to a sold-out show my brother was performing in. Connecting on Twitter led to an offer from a "Finding Bigfoot" scientist to speak to my hubby's biology students and getting to meet comedian Gabriel Iglesias after his show (where he wished us a happy 25th anniversary). May you all find your own connections that make your world a much better place!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

A New Challenge Begins

I was never petite but I recently hit some bad milestones. My weight went higher than ever before but I did start bring that down a bit earlier in the year. Still, I have about 100 pounds I need to lose before reaching the weight that's healthiest for me. It's kind of interesting to think back to when I was in high school and my early adult years. Back then I thought I was fat but I would give anything to be that size again.

Last month, a visit to the doctor brought a lot of bad news. I already had high blood pressure and diabetes and cholesterol problems got added to my list. Expanding the battle beyond just trying to lose weight made things much more serious. My list of problems was creating a situation bringing me closer to a heart attack and I could no longer just be okay with how I look.

There are a lot of things I used to do that are more difficult now. I don't have the strength or endurance I had when our kids were younger. It was frustrating to feel those limitations during our big events at work. An office job body doesn't help at a major event where there's a lot of loading, unloading, setting, down, cleaning up, and general running around.

Feeling accountable is one of the best ways to help yourself stick to a plan. I decided to make this whole thing a win-win by turning it into a fundraiser. My mom battled her weight but was restricted by her multiple sclerosis (MS) in what she could do to stay active. I want to honor my mom by having the money I raise go to finding a cure for MS. My goal is to lose 30 pounds by October 4 (my birthday) and I'm having people pledge to donate for each pound I lose.

There's so much to battle when it comes to weight loss:
  • Time - it takes time to prepare healthier foods and it's so much easier to grab fast food
  • Money - a lot of the healthier options cost more than the unhealthy ones
  • Culture - I married into a culture that celebrates everything with food. You don't decline the offers of food either. 
  • Regular eating - for both weight loss and diabetes it is important to eat regular meals and not skip any
  • Exercise - I'm not a fan of working out and my job and the commute leave me sitting most of the day. Fitting in the exercise will be a challenge for sure.
Fortunately, I'm getting more support than I ever imagined. Encouragement on Facebook from friends and family have already made this better than past attempts at losing weight. I'm making good use of SparkPeople.com, the best free weight loss resource online. I also got a huge surprise when a new friend and his wife gave me a bicycle they weren't using anymore.

I've only lost a few pounds so far, but at least I'm going in the right direction now.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Pay Attention Before You Pay Money

With our hectic, rush-around lives today we often put ourselves in a vulnerable position. Most of us probably put a good amount of thought into making our purchases. I know that I will research items and brands to find out about a product's features, compare prices, and read reviews by others who have tried the product already.

Unfortunately, we go through our day making purchases with barely any thought at all. How much are you losing when you zone out and trust the cash register to ring up the correct price? My dad was big on watching as items were rung up at the store. He taught me to pay attention to sale prices and to make sure they showed up that way at the cash register. He also explained that stores are regularly checked for their accuracy and that mistakes are always found. Nobody is perfect and some stores seem to avoid programming in sales prices intentionally.

It's only a few cents, right? Why bother making a big deal out of the 15 cents they overcharged you on something? Because that one item is the only one you caught and there are most likely many, many more. If you don't say anything, they will happily overcharge you over and over again.

I had another experience with this on a higher level today. I needed to buy tires for my car and I checked ahead of time on prices at the specific store I was going to. We were also smart enough to take advantage of a daily deals offer that allowed us to get $50 vouchers for $25. I also saw that the store was running some rebate deals when buying sets of 4 tires. Armed and ready, I headed into Big O Tires to make my big purchase. The quote I was given for the tires was $20 per tire more than I was expecting. When I challenged the clerk, he printed out a list of all the tires that size with their prices from their store's website. Imagine his surprise when I showed him that the tires I was shopping for had a lower price on the website than what he had in his computer database.

It doesn't end there. When I came to pick up my car with the pretty new tires, the original clerk was gone and he didn't put my vouchers with the work order. There was no way I was going to let $200 in vouchers just disappear! Fortunately, the clerk who was there did a serious search and found the vouchers. Paying attention and standing up for myself saved me more than a few cents today.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

An Insider's View of Nonprofits

For nearly 12 years now I have worked for nonprofit organizations. In addition, I have worked with a handful of other nonprofit groups in a volunteer leadership capacity. In hanging out on Facebook tonight, I saw a post that got me all worked up. It was an infographic that claimed to tell about how some very large charities were paying large salaries to their executives and how some smaller charities were putting more of the money donated to "the cause."

After a quick check of Snopes to see if anything had been said about this infographic, I found that the information it presented was old and very inaccurate.  Unfortunately, things like this fly across Facebook at amazing speed and most people will just decide to turn their backs on larger charities without ever trying to learn the truth.

If you intend to give to a charity/nonprofit, you should be checking to see where the money goes. I'd like to .
tell you some of the things I've learned so you can have a better understanding of how some of these organizations work.  I'm no expert, but I have a working knowledge to share. The first thing to be aware of is that charities need to be recognized as such by the IRS. Getting that official nonprofit status means that they've set up the organization and proven their purpose and that they will have to meet certain standards to keep that status. Not every charity is a nonprofit. There are actually some charities that are for profit rather than nonprofit.

My biggest pet peeve when people look at and judge nonprofits is that they assume that everyone involve should be working for free or for very tiny salaries. Good will and desire to help drives many people to volunteer their time and talents to the causes they believe in, but how many of you would be willing to work a 40+ hour per week job all year long without any pay? Those in executive positions would make at least 2-4 times more for the same work in a for-profit company. In my current job with the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, we make very good use of volunteers and the hours they contributed last year were equivalent to five full-time employees.

The task of calculating where the donated money goes is a very interesting process. You have to determine how much money went toward the mission of the organization. That could be programs, services, research, etc. On the other side are the administrative and fundraising costs. Although some donations would probably come in without prompting, the majority of donations will come in through fundraising campaigns and events. There will generally be costs associated with either of those activities.

For example, I manage our Walk MS events in Utah. We do what we can to get things donated and have fees waived, but we still have a lot of costs involved. It was a challenge to do the budget and determine every penny needed and where to cut spending. Here is just a sampling of what costs go with this type of event:
  • event permits
  • police fees (for blocking streets along the route)
  • location/park rental
  • food and water for participants
  • signage (sign, sign, everywhere a sign)
  • bibs (race number) and safety pins
  • design and printing of posters, brochures, postcards, etc.
  • design and printing of event shirts, volunteer shirts
  • prizes/incentives to motivate fundraising by participants
  • rental of sound system, tables, chairs, tents
  • envelopes, letterhead, and postage for letters to acknowledge and thank donors
  • miscellaneous office supplies and printing for registration forms, waivers, check-in lists, etc.
  • first aid/emergency personnel
  • gas/mileage, truck rental, etc. to haul supplies
  • armored transport for money
  • advertising for event
  • bank fees for credit card donations
  • software platform for online fundraising
  • salaries of staff involved
Even with a fundraising campaign, you're paying for the envelopes, letterhead, and postage and then the salaries of those involved with preparing and executing the campaign. Bulk mailings can help with costs for sending out a lot of appeals at one time. Despite the way most people seem to feel about these appeals, they tend to bring in more than what was spent with much less effort than a large event or phone campaign.

I used to work for a different nonprofit that had a very different setup. It was a residential treatment center for youth and the fundraising (or development) side of things was actually quite small. Funding for the treatment provided came in from various agencies, health insurance, and families of the clients. That meant that the basic needs of the facility were already taken care of. Fundraising targeted specific needs and improvements to the program rather than the daily needs. In some ways, they could claim that 100% of the donations went directly to the cause and nothing was spent on administrative and fundraising expenses since the employees, buildings, equipment, etc. were already being paid for and weren't dependent on the fundraising. It makes sense, but the official way of calculating it isn't swayed by that logic. Salaries for executives and the development personnel had to be weighed against the small number of donations that were coming in (fees for the services provided aren't donations) and that gave an unfavorable picture.

Next time you decide to support your favorite cause, check to see how they handle the money and keep in mind what it takes to keep that organization up and running. If you decide to be part of a charitable event that doesn't charge a fee, I hope you will consider donating a few dollars to offset the costs of that "free" event. I hope you will also consider how you can make a difference by contributing your time and talents (especially professional skills) as a volunteer for your favorite charity.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Win a Keepsake Tatted Lace Doily

I'm doing something bold here to support a cause dear to my heart.  I'm offering up a tatted lace doily that I made for my mom. In 1999, I lost my mom to complications due to multiple sclerosis (MS). She had lived with MS for 25 years and was only 54 years old when she died. The doily I made her returned to my possession at that time and I've decided that it's time to bring it out of storage.

I am raising money for an event called Walk MS. It supports the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and will help fund research to find a cure so nobody else has to lose their mom to this horrible disease.  For every $1 donation to my fundraising efforts, your name will be entered into a drawing to win this doily ($5 donation puts your name in the drawing 5 times). I will draw the winning name on May 1, 2013.  Donations can be made online, delivered to me in person, or mailed to the National MS Society (address below).

Thank you for anything you are able to give. Giving up this keepsake will be worth it if it brings us closer to finding a cure.

Mailing address:
National MS Society
1440 Foothill Dr., Suite 200
Salt Lake City, UT 84108
(Please make sure you include a note that says "Karen Tapahe, Walk MS" so the money is credited to the right place)

The doily is approximately 8.5 inches across and tatted in peach colored cotton thread. This was one of the first doilies I ever tatted.